Blogging: It's Cheaper Than Therapy

The Numbers Game

2011-07-13T11:15:00.003-04:00

ONE The number of friends I've lost this summer. Not tragically, just due to that person gaining a significant other, which is completely lame.

TWO The number of job application rejection letters I received in the last few weeks. This doesn't include the non-responses from several other jobs I applied to. C'mon economy!

THREE The amount in dollars I won from buying a lottery ticket. Watch out, bank account!

FOUR The number of jobs I am now working. I'm all over the place, man.

FIVE The number of Stats lessons I have done in the last few days. My brain hurts. But only three. more. to. go. finally.

SIX This is how many weeks are left in my cell phone contract, which I don't want to renew. I can only hope my phone lasts that long. It's been turning itself off a lot lately, which I think is its way of telling me to just let it go...but I will work it to the grave.

SEVEN/EIGHT Finally finished watching the last season of Curb Your Enthusiasm (season 7). Perfect timing for the new season 8 which has just begun:)

NINE The number of weeks until I go to FL for my aunt's nursing program graduation, and then NC to see friends. But who's keeping track... :)

TEN The number of dogs and animals (a bearded dragon!?) I will be walking and/or sitting this summer. And counting.

On the bottom (but looking up?)

2011-07-05T14:25:00.001-04:00

I know I've been a bit downtrodden lately. A bit of a "negative nancy" if you will. I have been rather consumed by the constant stream of bad luck that seems to be bombarding me. I don't want to be so blah. I am trying to be positive. I am trying to be proactive about things. But you know what? It's not so easy. Especially when your day goes like this:

1. Take car to Costco for 2 new tires. Waiting time is 1 hour and 45 minutes. That's ok, I came prepared with a book and my laptop. No wifi? Ok, I still have my book. But then I didn't really feel like reading, so I perused the warehouse. After an hour, I decided it was time for lunch - costco hot dog and soda for a buck fifty! Finally something to look forward to!

2. Ah, but wait. They only accept cash and I have but $1.25...damnit! But wait again! It's costco, they have everything. They even have an ATM!

3. I request $80 from the ATM. "Do you want a receipt?" it asks. "No, thanks!" I say. I figure I am saving a tree. Or at least a twig on a tree. ATM dispenses cash. Hmm...only $20.

4. Have to file a dispute with Costco, who has to file an inquiry with the 3rd party vendor who operates this ATM. I call my bank. While on the phone with the bank, my cell phone drops the call.

5. I desperately need a new cell phone because it's constantly dropping calls and turning itself off. BUT I only have 6 weeks left on my contract and I don't want to renew.

6. I tried selling some old clothes to a resale shop nearby. I thought, maybe I can make some pocket change. Unfortunately my clothes were "too mature" and "older styles" than what they were looking for. I get it. I'm old and unhip.

7. I get my car back with 2 new tires. But my car is still driving like something's wrong. It's possible I need the other 2 tires replaced or some other work done...

8. And now, who knows when I'll get that invisible money back...

Will this madness end already? Can someone PLEASE just throw me a bone here!?! I'm still looking for a job and out of cash for these stupid "emergencies." Murphy, please take your law and shove it.

Reality with a Vengeance

2011-06-27T02:47:00.001-04:00

I come back from a most wonderful long vacation (see map below)

that I have been planning (generically) and saving for for quite some time now, and my welcome home gift seems to be brutal reality.

Within four days of being home, I have a $1000 bill to pay, an undriveable car due to needing two new tires, a tooth filling that has fallen out, and oh, yes, that's right...no job. Why am I being punished for having the time of my life traveling and wanting to travel more?

So if you'll please excuse me, I have some hustling to do...

Pursuit #70: Do I like Aaron Neville, you ask?

2011-04-17T18:10:00.000-04:00

I have two ears and a heart, don't I???

It's true. I like Aaron Neville. There I said it. I will even scream it from the mountaintops. I'm not ashamed!

Just try and watch this without getting misty:

Or when you're frustrated over a noncommittal lover try this:

Aaron Neville - "Tell It Like It Is" (live) by mickeynold

Pursuit #69: Dinosaurs with feathers

2011-04-07T22:11:00.002-04:00

Today my coworker told me about a new TV show coming out involving 3 things:

1. Mike Tyson
2. Pigeons
3. Reality (as in a reality show)

No, this is not one of those Sesame Street games where you try to figure out which one of these things doesn't belong, because frankly none of them should fit together. I wasn't able to embed the video, but this Larry King interview with Mr. Tyson is really...intriguing. I learned that pigeon-racing is one of Mike's passions, and furthermore that it is "one of the most popular sports in the world." I would say that that last statement is a bit speculative... Also, this man has a tattoo on his face.

Yep. This is weird.

Personal Disclaimer: Birds are gross*. I had to feed some baby birds when I worked at an animal hospital in high school. They just pooped all over their cages (and on themselves) and squawked incessantly. I had to feed them eye droppers full of mushy cat food. Baby birds look freakish without all their feathers and they constantly just have their mouths open and eyes closed. Then one of the vets went out of town and left her parrot at the hospital for us to care for. Everyday the bird sang "Brat Bird" to the tune of the old Batman song and screamed "Help!" like it was dying.

When I was about 5, a mother goose chased me and hissed at me at a petting zoo because I got too close to its youngin's. I still have nightmares about that. I have also been pooped on many different times by these filthy creatures. (Some say it is a sign of good luck to be pooped on by a bird. Those people have obviously never been pooped on.) Recently a kamikaze dive-bombing bird with only half a beak attacked me and my french fries whilst dining al fresco at a restaurant in DC. I could go on. But there's your reality show - birds pooping on people, being aggressive and annoying. Isn't that the only reality about birds?

*I find toucans, penguins and puffins to be the only acceptable types.

Pursuit #68: Unanimously rejected

2011-04-07T21:38:00.003-04:00

It's always fun to receive a rejection letter from a school you applied to, and then withdrew your application from due to receiving and accepting another school's offer. This rejection letter was really quite moot at this juncture in time - I received my other acceptances months ago. Not to mention the fact that I WITHDREW my application from this school's pool.

But the cherry on this sundae was the wording the grad school director used, and I quote:

"Unfortunately, the committee has decided not to recommend your admission and I concur with this decision."

This strikes me as comical. As in, "The committee thought you sucked. And frankly, I think you suck too. It's really quite unanimous that you suck." Thanks? I think they're just bitter. Let the record show that I rejected them first!

Pursuit #67: Girl v. Woman

2011-03-22T23:58:00.002-04:00

Today, a patient at the physical therapy clinic where I work said this to me:

"In here, you look like a girl. But when you are driving, you look like a woman."

I think he's from India, so I like to think it is a great compliment in his country.
This is coming from the guy who motioned for me to move faster to give him his cold pack one day so he could leave early and go to a party at the senior center. Naturally I assume that those parties are ragin'. I bet they discuss the ladies and how they "drive."

Pursuit #66: Going to Iran. Brb.

2011-03-17T00:14:00.002-04:00

In this blog entry I described a warp zone (aka weird place) that I visited in the city of Mclean* for laser hair removal.

Well, it truly was a warp zone after all - I just noticed on the business card provided to me by the salon that the city name Mclean is misspelled as "Mclran."

Yep, we're talking q-u-a-l-i-t-y.

*technically it is spelled McLean with a big "L," but close enough for, you know, a business card and all.

Pursuit #65: Need to go on a diet?

2011-03-13T22:12:00.001-04:00

Go to Mexico!!!

A little "Montezuma's Revenge" + scuba diving off a dingy in Playa del Carmen's choppy waters with strong current = everything inside of you will come outside!

Remember that scene in Stand By Me where the kid throws up after the pie-eating contest, starting a barf-o-rama of everyone throwing up all over? Yeah, that basically happened in Mexico on our dive boat. We like to call it "feeding the fish."

Pursuit #64: I'm a loser

2011-02-21T14:27:00.002-05:00

I used to pride myself on the fact that I never lost anything. I was a vault. I was Sticky Fingers, in the non-klepto sense of the phrase. Now, I'm donning a "Michael look:"

Michael Jackson cause I'm down to one leather glove

M.J. says all you need is one [glove]. I disagree. My other hand is cold.

and George Michael cause when I looked in the mirror today at work, I realized I only had one dangly earring on...in the left ear no less.

Unfortunately, G.M., I've lost faith that I'll find my other earring.

Maybe I'll invest in one of these. Or a velcro vest.

This all reminds me of something Molly once brought up. Haven't you ever wondered how a lone shoe on the side of the highway or a sock in the bushes ends up there? Where are the owners of these random articles of clothing and how did they end up in the Pollo Campero parking lot on a rainy Wednesday afternoon? "Clothes Not on People" is an interesting phenomenon. However, my recent loser-ness is helping me understand the lonely existence of such items and their plight. And I bet their owners are probably just as lonely without them...

Pursuit #63: Do all dogs really go to heaven?

2011-02-20T11:00:00.001-05:00

I agree that (most) dogs are wonderful creatures. They are sweet, innocent animals that love you unconditionally and just want to be loved. But sometimes they are completely psychotic. I don't readily have access to Cesar Milan (aka The Dog Whisperer) or the British lady dog whisperer who looks like Sporty Spice. So what do I do?

I was told by the owner before she left town that one of her two smallish dogs doesn't like other dogs, so she just avoids other dogs. What she didn't mention was that this dog not only doesn't like other dogs, but doesn't like other humans, fire hydrants...or sounds for that matter.

This morning's walk was going swimmingly, until a small unsuspecting toddler walked by with her father. The way the dog leapt at this small child and her father, you'd think they were made out of ham. There was gnashing of teeth, uncontrollable barking and me apologizing to the father while simultaneously trying to quell this furry beast that probably weighs all of 10 pounds. Another dog walked by on the other side of the parking lot, leading to another bout of insanity. At this point, I aborted the walk.

When one lives in a giant apartment complex, how does one avoid any and all living things and inanimate objects? Something tells me this is impossible. Maybe these are just the classic symptoms of doggy cocaine use?

Looks innocent enough

When the crazy is unleashed

Pursuit #62: A whole lotta weird

2011-02-09T23:59:00.003-05:00

today in a nutshell:

I also wouldn't be surprised if he speaks Klingon. My 4th visit to the chiropractor. He's quite the character. Mostly I just smile and nod as he quotes the Hippocratic Oath in some accent or says strange cliche phrases in other accents. He likes accents.

Where the clippings went were of no concern to her...My daily visit to feed this lady's cat. The lady is at home recovering from surgery and can't bend over to feed the cat etc. which is where I come in. Some days she speaks of her crazy cousin who ransacked her apartment while she was in the hospital and bemoans the horrific threats that said cousin made towards aforementioned cat. Today she wanted me to clip her cat's toenails while she held him...in her bed.

We're talking Pantene Pro-V commercial silky smooth + KFC Colonel white. I had my first Albino sighting - an Asian albino child with the shiniest, whitest hair I'd ever seen. As Molly pointed out, not unlike that of Hulk Hogan (according to Sweet Dee on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia).

Not exactly the poster child for sound financial advice. I encountered a friend of my aunt's coworker who has done odd jobs for their office over the years. This nomadic (veritably homeless) man wearing a camouflage jacket and a long white scraggly beard (think Gandolf) told me about a "dog with a big vocabulary" and proceeded to dispense monetary advice to me as he watched the TV for the stock market update and discussed his plans for starting a fishing foundation in upstate NY. Also, he lives in his van.

Pursuit #61: Sigh. The trials and tribulations I must go through to preserve my vanity.

2011-01-31T23:07:00.004-05:00

Sometimes when I go to restaurants or businesses in McLean, I feel like they are warp zones that whisk me away into some alter-reality. Like you walk inside and the people, atmosphere, scenery, and well everything just seems so un-McLean like and not AT ALL what you expected when you saw the outside of the building.

I entered one of these warp zones recently to undergo the cosmetological procedure of laser hair removal. Thank you, Groupon! But perhaps I shouldn't thank you just yet...

From the moment I walked into this warp zone, I knew my visit would not be normal - something about the smallness of the place, the lady who handed me a clipboard and showed me to the waiting room without asking me who I was or what I was there for, to the mother talking on her cell phone at eleventy billion decibels (in baby talk and Spanish no less) while being shushed by her high schooler daughter. It appeared that because of the popularity of their Groupon, this establishment is basically herding people through like cattle.

After everyone else in the waiting room had been cleared except for me, I was visited by the doctor slash owner. After awkwardly hovering over me, he joined me on the couch. He asked me my age, where I was from and what I was coming in for. Next, he gave me an egregious sales pitch about the other procedures they offer...based on my appearance. As he studied my face, he said I needed some injections under my eyes and around my mouth, as well as a laser to shrink the "really large" blood vessels under my eyes. Now I'm not a doctor like this guy, but I'm pretty sure the blood vessels near my eyeballs - you know the part of my body that helps me SEE - are pretty important and probably shouldn't be tampered with. He peppered in some additional remarks about some "red" areas ("Are those pimples?") on my face. It must have been Double Bonus Day in this warp zone: the deal on my procedure + an unsolicited/invasive free consultation!

In addition to the above, there were uncomfortable bodily noises coming from this man during his speech and an awkward moment in the treatment room involving an open window and onlooking office buildings. Oh, Groupon, you sure know how to pick 'em!

Pursuit #60: Brain Wars

2011-01-27T23:46:00.003-05:00

The psychiatrist asked his patient if he had trouble making decisions. The patient responded, "Well, doc, yes and no." That is me more often than I'd like to admit.

I am listening to a book on CD (aka the most convenient way to read these days). It is called How We Decide by Jonah Lehrer. As someone who has OFTEN suffered from paralysis by analysis of mundane things like which cereal to buy (as the author mentioned prompted him to research the topic for this book) or difficult things like what to do with my life, I felt I needed to read this book. From it I found that in its "default" setting, your brain is basically at war with itself.

This is not a regular self-help book. The book discusses how the brain is ever soooooo complex, and therefore what goes on in it during different decision-making moments varies based on the type of decision you're trying to make. So there is no one tried and true method to decision-making that can be used across the board. Our brain wars pit emotions v. rationality, our gut instincts v. our reasoned thoughts. However there are lots of different emotions involved coming from different brain areas. Our prefrontal cortex often tries to mediate and integrate all these emotions plus all the other information the brain is sending, so we can make a rational decision. But when we try to quiet the disquiet in our brains by shutting off one area in order to make a decision, we ignore certain emotions or override them completely and over-rationalize. And actually, it's our EMOTIONS that we should really be listening to when making complex decisions.

Our prefrontal cortices can only take in about 7 pieces of information at one time (7!), so it easily gets overwhelmed. No wonder I get stalled in trying to pick out cookies and cereal - there are waaay too many options for my brain to handle.

"Our emotional brain is actually much better at taking in lots and lots of information. Summarizing lots of data very efficiently, and saying, 'Here's a feeling. Don't worry about all the details. Here's a feeling. We've already taken those details into account.'"

The trick is trying to figure out what emotions to listen to in which situations. But armed with this information about the mechanics of my brain, how easily overwhelmed it can become by too much info, and how to trust my emotions then should make me a better decision-maker, yeah? Well, in reality it did - I actually was able to apply some of this self-knowledge of my brain and emotions to decide to make a big change in my life (grad school!). And for once, I really think it's the right one!

Q&A with the Author on Amazon
NPR interview with the author
CBS News article about the author/book

Pursuit #59: Chiropractor Virgin no more!

2011-01-24T23:25:00.000-05:00

Until Saturday, I was in some rather (recently) severe back pain. And until Saturday I was a chiropractor virgin. Now, I am in generally less back pain due to my quirky visit. I have no basis of comparison of what other chiropractors do, so I have no idea what's considered normal.

1. "You have really great blood pressure and heart rate. Especially for someone who doesn't work out."

2. During exam: "Hmmm..." followed by writing on clipboard.

3. Also during exam: "Interesting..." followed by writing on clipboard.

4. "Hmm...don't confuse the chiropractor now!"

5. "Subluxation confirmed!"

6. He explained everything he did and why. Even the unexplainable: "There is no explanation for this. It was invented in the 1920's. Several studies have tried to find scientific evidence to back it up to no avail. Essentially, I'm harmonizing you with the universe." Ah, of course.

There was some cracking and manipulation (not painful as I had imagined), some acupressure (this was way more painful than the manipulation), and some of the aforementioned mysterious "voodoo." I wore a peptobismal pink gown while a quirky D.C. with a salt and pepper ponytail cracked jokes about trying to get me to reveal my co-conspirators. At one point I walked around the room twice with one boot on and one boot off, as I was directed to do so. I let this man adjust my freaking spine! In retrospect, it's quite baffling what we let total strangers do to us when we're in a medical/doctor's office, isn't it?

Pursuit #58: Neither here nor there

2011-01-10T19:54:00.003-05:00

One can be scatterbrained, but can you ever just be "brained?" Perhaps I inherited my mom's tendency to make up words - she used the word murderize twice in the last couple weeks until we called her out on it. She claims it's a real word because when we tried to look it up, only urban dictionary says it's a word...the irony being that usually urban dictionary includes slang terms that are "hip" and my mom is the antithesis of hip. Either urban dictionary is losing its sway or my mom is wilder than we thought. She does wear animal prints sometimes...

As I've gotten older, and through various shared experiences, I've learned to appreciate my family more. We're all a lot funnier than I previously thought. Well, at least we think we're funny. I can see how the bond between my family members has grown stronger over the years, and that is really cool. I've also decided that having a big family is kinda great cause if you don't like one person, there are plenty more options to choose from.

I miss my grandma, Gammy, heaps, but I'm actually glad for her passing since she was pushing 94 and in rather poor health with a diminishing quality of life. That became very evident when I went down to help take care of her for the last couple weeks. She had lived without my grandpa for 16 years and she'd been yearning to go and meet him. I'm not entirely sure what her work was here that she had to finish before she could go join him, but it was so perfect that I got to spend her last couple weeks with her. She was a huge part of my life growing up and all throughout, like a second mother really, so I loved having a chance to help her out in return. My aunt apologized to me for things not happening the way we had planned when I came down to care for Gammy (i.e. her death), and all I could say was, "But maybe things did happen the way they were supposed to." She had such a long, fulfilling life. While I don't aspire to live as long as her, I do aspire to enjoy life the way she did, giving from the bottom of her heart always.

The funeral was wonderful. It made me laugh. It made me cry. As many probably feel on the heels of a funeral or the passing of a loved one, I felt the preciousness of life, a reminder to savor and not take for granted our relationships or the way we choose to live. I was reminded of the importance of family and how wonderful a feeling it must have been for Gammy to see her progeny altogether laughing, talking, crying and full of love for each other. It's an amazing thing to see so many people bound together by not only blood, but love and to think that it's all because of her. The things she left behind in her house are just...things and they just don't matter. The people she left behind...her familial empire is truly amazing though. In the end, family really is all that matters.

"Gammy" 1917-2011

Pursuit #57: I'm not talented

2010-12-30T19:10:00.002-05:00

But Christina Perri is:)

I get chills listening to her. The good kind. There are a few wishes I have in this world.
1. To be a ballerina.
2. To be a breakdancer.
and 3. To sing like this:

Pursuit #56: My new look

2010-12-15T00:16:00.000-05:00

Since Mother Nature is failing miserably at her job and needs to be fired, I have acquired a new look (out of necessity really). We need a more hospitable planet!!!

brrr...all this and long johns for a measly dog walk.

Pursuit #55: A smorgasbord

2010-12-02T17:54:00.002-05:00

I haven't had anything really blogworthy happen recently. Here's a sampling platter to satiate your palate however.

Recent Lessons Learned (I like lists):

1. Sometimes you may wake up to your alarm contemplating how Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor and his on-screen wife were a really good match on Home Improvement. Take it from me, you just can't refute your subconscious on this one.

2. According to my Developmental Psychology teacher, we are finally back on track to living several hundred years, as Moses and Methuselah* of Biblical times did. Now the maximum age of a person is like 122 years old. Only 847 more years to go! She also tells us that there is no biological reason for aging...this is why she doesn't teach biology.

*Methuselah reportedly lived to be 969 years old, while Moses reportedly lived to be 120.

3. Sometimes people will hire someone to walk their dog during the middle of the day, even when they are home. We don't know why.

4. Sometimes dogs pee on each other. We also don't know why.

5. Always ask how much the sushi lunch buffet is BEFORE you fill up your to-go box. But the tempura sushi sure was tasty!

Pursuit #54: Pursuit of Authenticity (?!?)

2010-11-09T18:18:00.000-05:00

I read another article recently in Natural Health about how pursuing happiness basically backfires and makes us less happy. Sad face, :( womp womp.

So instead of pursuing happiness (which according to the article only sets us up for disappointment because our goals are too high and continually get higher as we progress and we're not able to achieve all the things we set out to do to make us happy), what should we pursue?

...Authenticity!! Woo hooo!!!! Let's all race each other to be more authentic than our neighbors!!! But wait. What does being "authentic" even mean? Well, Natural Health says essentially it means living your life as a normal (read: authentic) human being, letting yourself succumb to sadness and disappointment once in awhile as the feelings come to you. The old adage "taking the good with the bad" would apply here.

Well, ok. I can be authentic. In fact, I think I'm always authentic. Sometimes I'm happy. Sometimes I'm a little sad. Instead of touting pursuing "authenticity" they should really just say, "Let's just keep our expectations low. You know, then that way we'll never be disappointed! Huzzah!!"

Pursuit #53: Vegetarianism Through the Eyes of My Aunt

2010-11-01T22:09:00.004-04:00

"Here's some rice. Don't worry, it's just chicken flavored."

"Try this veggie soup. I doctored it with some beef bouillon to make it taste better."

"I made these chicken enchiladas for dinner. You can just pick out the chicken, there's not that much in there."

Pursuit #52: Deep thoughts, by Me

2010-10-28T21:22:00.005-04:00

Lately I have been pondering this questions a lot: What Should I Do With My Life? It's an age-old question that many of us ask ourselves periodically (or perhaps all the time? Ha). In April, after a couple years of quarter-life crisis-ing, I finally decided to quit my job and change my career path. After talking to friends and an analysis of what I want out of a job and my personal qualities and job shadowing, I decided on Occupational Therapy. Now 6 months later, and knee deep in prerequisite classes that are required for admission to an OT program and grad school applications, I seem to be asking myself that same question. AGAIN. Or rather, is this really what I want to do with my life?

Maybe I'm just one of those directionless people. A career nomad. Or maybe I still haven't figured out "who I really am" yet and don't know myself well enough to choose something. Or maybe I'm holding back from what I really want to do out of fear, and have only chosen career paths based on false pretenses. I think I'm a pretty intelligent person. So why is answering this question so difficult for me?

I stumbled upon this book which has assured me that I'm not alone in these thoughts. Author Po Bronson surveyed 900 people over 2 years about this omnipresent question in order to write this book. It has also reassured me that for these people in the book "It wasn’t just a matter of finding the right puzzle piece to match their skills; they had to grow as a person first."

The past 6 months have definitely been a growing experience for me. They have made me realize a few things:

1. Sometimes the things we think we want, aren't really what we want.

2. The way to figure out what we want should not be a heavily analytical process. The answers (as hokie as it sounds) are in our hearts, not our minds.

3. Our true callings are rarely "epiphanies." And they're usually rather unclear.

4. Making mistakes is part of the process, as it is necessary for learning. We learn from the failures.

I don't have it figured out yet; but I decided for now that that's perfectly acceptable. I'll continue to meander down my windy path and hopefully I'll find some good things along the way...

Pursuit #51: Isn't it ironic?

2010-10-28T20:07:00.002-04:00

A couple weeks ago, I was doing some reading in the magazine Psychology Today and I was a bit surprised at what I found. Consequently, yes, Alanis, it is ironic that according to psychological researchers people who seek happiness are less likely to actually achieve their goal of being happier. Well, shoot. There goes my "Happiness Project." Poof! Just like that.

But you know what? If there's anything I've learned from my 3 recent psychology classes, it's this: psychology is a science (as is the case with all branches of science) that is full of lots of theories (read: not necessarily true), correlations with less causation, and lots of generalization with exceptions. That doesn't mean there is no truth to the study they did. But it also doesn't mean that there is...See? Now I'm talking like a real psychologist:)

So I say, go on, seek happiness. I mean what's the alternative, really? Seeking unhappiness? That's just silly. It's all about the approach. Trying to be happy is not like trying to learn how to master something. It's simply about surrounding yourself and filling your life with the things that make you happy: friends, family, riding your bike, watching TV, collecting stamps, metal detecting on the beach, chasing tornadoes, making your own cheese...ya know, whatever floats yer boat.

Pursuit #50: Chi-Town

2010-10-14T15:32:00.001-04:00

I love Chicago. Like, I want to marry it. It's got delicious burgers (try the kobe burger - probably my favorite burger ever), hot dogs, tea cafes with visible brewing rooms in the back and tea-infused eats, aggressive plans for making the city greener, intriguing architecture, good shopping (Wicker Park and West Town etc), rivers and lakes, a beach, blues/jazz clubs. It's like NYC, but at least 11 times less filthy (this is evidence-based research since every time I am in NYC I get dirty fingernails and black boogers by the end of the day...but not in Chicago!) and 7 times less crowded. I used to love NYC, and I still hold it dear, but then...I found Chicago and it is my latest love affair. I was also excited thinking there were less hipsters in Chicago, but then I went to Logan Square and that's where they all live apparently. Anyway. Chicago or bust.

Chicago at night:)

The theatre

View from our hotel room of Marina City, House of Blues & the corncob buildings

Fall colors by the Art Institute

Just a giant eyeball, no big deal

10.10.10 and the runners are off!

It actually got up to 84 degrees on marathon day. HOT!

Remember this scene from Married With Children?! "Love and marriage, love and marriage..."

Bridge city

Bike racks at the subway stations, what a novel idea (DC hint hint)

The brewing room at Argo Tea

Cool architecture everywhere

The cloud

Not a UFO, it's an ampitheater

A fountain face

Pursuit #49: Macaroon craze

2010-10-12T16:57:00.001-04:00

I'm part of a macaroon craze, that consists of...me. (Well, I have 2 friends who also enjoy these treats, though they haven't formally inducted themselves into my craze). I'm spreading the word: these are tasty treats. I bought one of each flavor at Alliance Bakery in Chicago, for a total of 8. Newsflash: 8 isn't enough to satisfy my craze. They were all incredibly delicious. Pistachio, Chai, Rose, Blueberry, Raspberry, Orange, and I think Peanut Butter and some other delicious but unknown flavor...did your head just explode?

PS If you need a quick fix Trader Joe's carries some frozen versions which aren't bad.

One happy little macaroon family

Pursuit #48: Chair in the sky

2010-10-12T00:22:00.001-04:00

Today I flew through the air. Now, I didn't just fly, but I flew at speeds of 600 mph. Impressed? There's more. I flew all the way from Chicago to Dulles, VA. That's a distance of 577 miles. AND all the while, I was just sitting in a chair snacking on pretzels (nom nom nom), sipping soda and reading a magazine. AMAZING RIGHT?!?!

Flying on planes is, well, INCREDIBLE. And wholly under-appreciated. The comedian Louis C.K. made some very excellent and amusing points in his stand-up when I saw him a couple years ago live. Every time I fly now I think about this spiel:

Pursuit #47: O.M.G. the G.R.E.

2010-09-27T23:44:00.012-04:00

I'M TAKING THE GRE THIS FRIDAY FOLKS.
Am I ready you ask? Hmm, interesting question. Well, friend, I would say, "That's debatable." Let's examine further.

Writing Section (Issue Essay and Argument Essay)
Conclusion: Sure.
Evidence: I have 20 odd years of practice in school writing about "issues" and "arguments" (aka B.S.)
Assumptions: I can only hope I know enough about one of the broad topics they give me like environment or education systems to make a decent sounding argument for or against it.

Quantitative Section
Conclusion: There's a semblance of hope.
Evidence: My scores have generally improved from my diagnostic exam throughout my practice exams.
Assumptions: Math is like riding a bike...(?) I stopped riding this bike about 10 years ago. It's rusty. I'm rusty. I won't be popping any wheelies or riding without hands on the handlebars on the bike anymore, but at least I don't need the training wheels!

Verbal Section
Conclusion: Unclear.
Evidence: My Diagnostic Exam score was higher than my 3 subsequent practice exams. (WTF prep class?!) And to polish that off, my instructor informed us that our actual Verbal scores will be approximately 70 points lower than what our practice scores are predicting. Ouch.
Assumptions: There is a God and He wants me to get into grad school.

Footnotes:

1 Someday I will (hopefully) be glad "September Ashley" pulled through and took a (time-sucking, life-draining) month-long prep class to (allegedly) aid my cause in getting into grad school. But until that day, I would just like my life back.

2 I'm envisioning an Office Space moment involving a bat, shredder or blow-torch and my prep books when I'm finally done with this (forsaken) test.

Pursuit #46: Dream House

2010-09-24T17:52:00.003-04:00

Chatsworth House in Derbyshire, England is my dream house. The house is full of eclectic, sometimes bizarre art, and the some odd thousand acres of land it dwells upon are spectacular. Really. Flower gardens, rock gardens, hedge maze, lakes, a cave, an Asian-inspired gazebo, funky statues and sculptures, immense fountains, a farm yard, chickens...that doesn't even cover it. The hills are verdant green, littered with sheep. The photos just don't even do it justice, but I'll try.

The entrance

The foyer. Chatsworth House welcomes you!

Disembodied feet...

Disembodied hands...

Dismembered bodies, yet the hands and feet don't match up...

I like the way these plates are stacked in columns on the wall.

Cool fabric on this settee

Mantelpiece

A stroller designed with snake handles, naturally.

Hand-painted wallpaper. I covet.

Hard to see, but this is a painting of a violin painted on a door. The painting is amazingly detailed and looks like a 3-dimensional violin hanging on the door.

Peek-a-boo!

Reminds me of Greek or Roman ruins

Pastoral beauty

Sets of these statues were here at the bottom of this extremely long cascading waterfall that ran down a big hill, as well as at the top.

Plump chickens...mmm...

Asian-inspired gazebo overlooking this idyllic pond. Below this was a cave-like alcove.

This statue is watching you. Makes me think of Alice & Wonderland.

Fountains were turned off at this point, but the pond extends so far you can't even tell where it ends!

A more modern addition

Pursuit #45: Camera Love

2010-09-22T00:51:00.000-04:00

I finally got my new camera. (Well, replacement camera from the one I broke falling off the unmoving carousel in York...yeah). Looking through my photos from England/Scotland makes me want to go back really badly. What an amazing trip! Don't believe me? See for yourself:

The Swans of Salisbury

This is where we ate breakfast at our Bed & Breakfast in Bath

The B&B patio

Afternoon Tea at The Pump Room in Bath


Roman Baths

Bath flowers

Molly, look! MAGNUM!!! Oh, how I missed you!


Actual road sign in Stratford-Upon-Avon

Oxford is a sepia kind of town.


Pretty Blenheim Palace

C Overload: Cute Cottages of Chipping Camden in The Cotswolds

Warwick Castle - reminds me of the castle I had to build in 5th grade

Amazing Breadsall Priory in Derbyshire. We stayed here:)

The "Caution: Lambs" signs weren't kidding around.

View of Chatsworth House from part of the (immense and spectacular) grounds. I want to live here.

We stumbled upon the York Stone Carving Festival, a treat to witness carvers at work. This guy is so artsy.


Edinburgh is hilly. The best part is the underground tour that walks you through the streets of centuries ago that are now buried beneath the city.

One should be behind bars for wearing this much plaid. Oh, Scotland!

These are some mere highlights. So many more amazing pictures, in fact I'm going to do an entire post with just pictures from Chatsworth House, because it was just that amazing. Le sigh.

Pursuit #44: Adventures in Blog Stalking

2010-09-19T09:49:00.005-04:00

Have you ever blog stalked someone? (Maybe you're slyly nodding as you blog stalk me right now...)

Well, I am a blog stalker. I occasionally read the blog of a person who is an acquaintance of mine. I rarely see this acquaintance, but oddly now am fairly well-versed in this person's life. So when I actually did run into this person, I had to pretend like I had no idea about their new job, their weekend plans and their favorite things about fall. I felt it would be more creepy if I told them "I READ YOUR BLOG. I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU EVEN THOUGH WE ONLY MET TWICE."

I am a horrendous liar so I'm sure the awkwardness of the conversation was felt across the room. I gave this person some "Congrats" on an event in their recent life. They look puzzled and even said, "...how did you know?" I covered up with a, "Oh, you know, Facebook," which they bought and is also partially true.

Then what else can a blog stalker say when out of the safety of her home and de-armed of her laptop? Pretty much nothing since any conversation attempt spiraled into utter ineptitude. But don't worry. I welcome all blog stalkers (like me!). All for one, and one for all!!

Pursuit #43: There's a (gym) rat in my basement

2010-09-18T18:12:00.000-04:00

...and it's me.

I bought a bunch of equipment (very similar to the equipment they have in the physical therapy clinic where I work) to use at home for strengthening, conditioning and general sweat-inducing move busting. I canceled my gym membership earlier this year and now I can't really afford one, so this is my solution. Voila!

It's private. It's open 24/7. And I love it.

Free weights, ankle/wrist weights, resistance bands, stability ball, jump rope, weighted medicine ball, yoga mat + videos, and some exercises for each bit of equipment (many of them come with a print out of the exercises). All you need!

Pursuit #42: My mouth is on fire

2010-09-17T13:41:00.000-04:00

and I love it! Trader Joe's Spicy Hummus is amazing. I knew there was a reason it was always sold out. That is all.

Pursuit #41: Misconceptions

2010-09-16T09:16:00.000-04:00

The other day I was running and started thinking about odd comments people have said about me, to me or to someone I know. Granted everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I think I can safely say I am none of these things. Suffice it to say that each of these comments were made by A) a total stranger B) A peer in a class who I barely interacted with or C) an occasional friend or family member who obviously doesn't know me very well.

1. "She has intimidating eyebrows."- middle school classmate to a friend of mine

2. "Your hair is so emo!" - some Korean girl I talked to at a random house party

3. "Do you play soccer? You just look like a soccer player." - tons of people asked me this in college, to the extent of asking me this when I walked by them in a classroom wearing regular school clothes or on the street. I dressed up as a soccer player for Halloween Junior year cause I thought that would be funny and ironic, only to have people ask me with all seriousness how soccer practice was.

4. "Were you a dancer? You walk like a dancer." - this just happened recently at work. One of the PT's asked me this cause she said I walk with my feet turned out. Thanks? I do have a secret regret of not becoming a ballerina, so I'll take it!

5. "She looks like she writes poetry. She doesn't cry in movies. Her clothes show she is in style, but doesn't care about being too trendy."- my Communications Theory professor had me and a few other people stand in the front of the class while class members answered specific questions about each of us based solely on visual perceptions (writes poetry? cries in movies? etc.) I am the opposite for the first two at least.

6. "Still waters run deep." - a family member, which is true sometimes I suppose. I call it "selective sharing."

7. "She's intimidating." - some girl in college freshman dorms to my friend, this still baffles me.

8. "You have sad eyes." - 7th grade friend, awkward moment.

9. "Excuse me, young man?" - old man to my back when I had a pixie cut.

This is sort of a running list. I may have to add to it periodically. I like re-reading them for a good chuckle.

Pursuit #40: The Tao of a High Schooler

2010-09-12T23:30:00.003-04:00

Next time you feel oppressed by authority, overbearing in-law, or perhaps just a meddling neighbor, just tell them "You do you." You can also throw in an "I do me" for further emphasis if warranted.

Yes, a high schooler taught me this. But who better to advise on the oppressive regime of authority than a teenager?

Pursuit #39 I am officially a woman!

2010-09-11T18:32:00.002-04:00

Never before had I looked at Woman's Day magazine, out of no intentional bias, i just didn't feel I was the "target audience." But I perused one at work the other day and I found out within a few pages that I am now officially a woman because Woman's Day is relevant to ME!

It seems to have a lot of good tips that interest me in my old age, like how to properly ventilate a room...yawn, actually maybe I'm not ready for that one yet. But most importantly it mentioned Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project and gave readers advice on how to start their own happiness projects, like ME!

And if you hadn't noticed the theme of my post, er my entire blog so far, it is ME! I just wanted to ensure you that this blog is still my own version of my Happiness Project and it's mine. So while sometimes I feel like posting seemingly off-tangent things, that's just kinda how my brain works. I'm still happy and pursuing more happiness!

To prove it, I made a short list of some of my little happiness-factors:

1. I use lots of exclamation points in my written communication now!!! (How many more exclamation points can I use and still be cool??)

2. I am slowly but surely powering through my never ending to-do-list, mostly school related.

3. I finally got to drive a pick up truck whilst blasting country music. Bucket list, check!

4. Have I told you lately, that I love SUSHI??? Anyone who knows me knows this is TREMENDOUS. I actually crave it now. Oh, and I like mushrooms now. Within reason (read: portobello burgers are still gross, but sliced up and mixed in or on my pizza is OK).

5. I learned that in a study where participants were asked to hold something in their mouths that forced the corners of their mouths downward (as in a frown) while doing an activity, they found the activity less enjoyable than those who were asked to do the same activity while holding something in their mouths that forced the corners of their mouths upward (as in a smile). So SMILE!

Pursuit #38: Ode to Summer

2010-09-08T22:31:00.006-04:00

This is a time machine that allows you to people watch, in the past! (Thanks S.T.)

The song, the singing, the clothes, the people...I love everything about this video. Everyone seems so classy. Except the woman reading that magazine while Anita performs...um hello?!

Farewell summah time, you will be missed!

Pursuit #37: Who let the dogs out? Well, I did.

2010-09-07T21:06:00.001-04:00

Only this time, one of them ran away. In the pitch blackness of night. In a wholly unfamiliar neighborhood. On my FIRST dogwalking/sitting gig of my dogwalking/sitting career.

I called for him. No answer. No sounds. An eternal 15 slow-motion yet hyperactive minutes of searching. I paced. I searched for a flashlight in a foreign house. I panicked. I cried. Never before have I literally wanted to just crawl under a rock and hide. Scratch that: not just hide, but die. I was a mortified, terrified mess. I had to call the owner of the dogwalking company and explain to her that on my first assignment, I...lost....the...dog. Oh, but wait. I FORGOT TO SAVE HER PHONE NUMBER IN MY PHONE!

Then I hear howling in the woods in one general direction of a not too distant neighbor's house. I run. No dog in sight, just sound. But a disembodied dog howl from the woods is not particularly helpful WHEN YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY A FOREST AT NIGHT.

I finally got ahold of the company owner (that's another stressful tale, but not worth getting into). I am waiting for her call back (thinking I'm surely fired), when I decide to make one last attempt in the general direction of the disembodied howling. And what do I hear? Dog toenails clanking on the pavement. I see his silhouette standing on the edge of the neighbor's driveway like he did not just cause my veritable heart attack slash almost make me commit suicide. I dragged him home while calling the owner back to call off the crisis.

Lesson to be learned: Dogs that look and walk like walruses covered in fur, are actually stealth ninjas, so do not be fooled. That, or just always use leashes for dogs you are responsible for the well-being of...

Pursuit #36: Just say "No!" to poop.

2010-09-04T17:43:00.001-04:00

I started a second part time job today: dogwalking/sitting. I can take on as many gigs as I want to earn a little extra cash on the weekends and such which is nice.

So essentially I show up, pet, feed, and hang out with a couple dogs for approximately 30 minutes a couple times a day. I "walk" them by taking them out to their fenced in backyard. But I soon learned that really my main goal for these two dogs is to not let one eat the other's poop. The dogwalking company owner had forewarned me of this, but I laughed it off. But then it really happened. The one dog voraciously tried to eat the other dog's poop. So I had to intervene.

I learned a great life lesson today: When someone tells you, "Just don't let them eat poop and everything will be ok," you should listen.

Pursuit #35: The Tangled Interweb

2010-09-02T00:04:00.005-04:00

I thought it was odd when I got an ecard from some old grandma in my email inbox.

I ignored it and moved on with my life. (What grandmas are internet savvy, I mean really!? Suspicious!)

Later, I received another ecard from her, which I ignored as well. Then my elderly secret admirer/internet stalker sent me an email with an online photo album....ignored again. I thought this must be some hoax or malicious email virus thing. Then when she tried to add me as a friend on Facebook, I thought, "Oh, this poor old lady is just confused and has gotten my email address mixed up with someone else's!"

But the Interweb suddenly just got even more tangled. (Sounds like a catchy movie preview ad one liner. Are you hooked yet??) The latest email:

Hi Guys
As you know jusy spent last few days with Nan and she would really love it if we could all get together for her birthday, The weekend best would be after so weekend of the 15,16th and 17th October.
Can you all let me know if you can make it so I can let Nan know for definite. Will also be good for us all to touch base about New year as well as having a nice birthday celebration for Nan.
Was thinking of a nice meal and any ideas on what to cook great i'm sure we can all club together or doa hot buffet what ever anyones fancies!
Speak to you all soon
Lorraine xxx

Suspicious part deux! And this is from an entirely NEW internet stalker, in the UK no less. (The UK has also been trying to recruit me, since I get weekly emails from some job site there telling me my resume looks great and they want to hire me. I never sent anyone my resume in the UK...) The above email was only sent to a total of 4 email addresses, all in the UK, except mine. There are no attachments. Pray tell, what does some internet evildoer gain from such an email as this? Do we really have to get so personal? Can we just leave Nan out of this mess for crying out loud!?! (P.S. I googled the sender, and she's a registered Hypnotherapist. Interpret this information as you will.) Or perhaps it really was just another Interweb fluke.

Nonetheless, a SHOUT OUT to all my internet stalkers out there:

I'm flattered. I really am. I appreciate all the requests to join your families, which I'm sure are fine families. But I already have a family. I don't need to join yours. I don't want to move to the UK (not yet at least). So let's all just work together to untangle our Inter-webs and go on living anonymously and ignorantly in this virtual world. Thank you and good night.

Pursuit #34: Moving picture shows

2010-08-31T21:51:00.003-04:00

I never watch TV.

I should clarify. I never watch live TV, er TV with commercials. Only shows on DVD (or what Comcast blessedly provides for me on On Demand). The little free time I have that I agree to partition to the viewing of moving pictures, I generally reserve for selective shows and/or movies. And I'm highly selective.

Now, I don't have any scientific evidence to back up this theory, so don't go publishing my findings or anything. But I hypothesize that 30 Rock is a healer.

Every time I have a crappy day or an exhausting day and I need a veg time out before going onto other activities, I watch 30 Rock. I equate it to a power nap. However, instead of lazing away in my bed for 20 odd minutes conjuring up bizarre dreams about becoming a surrogate mother to a baby koala in a parking garage (disclaimer: actual dream I just had), I can laugh, emote, veg almost brainlessly, and fantasize about how Tina Fey is my long lost mother. All that and a bag of popcorn! It's so much more productive than sleeping, and immensely *satisfying.

Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack Donaghy: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

*Unless you're sleep deprived, then generally sleeping is a good idea.

Pursuit #33: Thai Herbal Massage. Get one NOW!

2010-08-27T18:37:00.001-04:00

Best. Massage. Ever.

Like assisted yoga mixed with heat therapy, aroma therapy, and tissue massage (gets out those knots and kinks!).

They do this:

And this:

And you'll feel:

Pursuit #32: On eating dirt.

2010-08-27T18:20:00.002-04:00

I went running the other day on my favorite local unpaved, woodsy trail. Then...my foot caught a root or a rock and I ate dirt. I slid in the dirt like a baseball player.

On the plus side:

1. No one saw me fall (yay for secluded woods).

2. I have some cool battle scars. The first day I essentially had a 2nd kneecap on my right leg. But otherwise unharmed.

3. At least a fall in this context makes more sense than falling off an unmoving carousel.

4. I felt like G.I. Jane when I shook it off and kept running all bloodied (not too bad), bruised and covered in dirt.

5. For the number of times I've gone running in general and running on this particular trail, statistically speaking it was about time I suppose that I hit the ground running (bah dum chhhh!!!).

Pursuit #14-31: The UK...I approve.

2010-08-26T17:28:00.000-04:00

So I'm going to have to cheat and just lump all the days I missed into 1 uber-post. I had a wonderful time in Englandia/Scotlandia. I will post pictures...eventually, however I had a mishap with a carousel in York that left my camera busted. (Who falls off an unmoving carousel?!?!? MEEE!!!)

My trip in a nutshell:

Stonehenge - cool, but also just how I imagined it would look from photos.

Salisbury - my first introduction into English cities outside London. Yummy Cornish meat pasty!

Bath - Victorian bed & breakfasts, Roman history, fancy English Afternoon Tea at the Pump Room, drank from the Roman Bath mineral water, but didn't get to take a dip in the new thermal baths though:(

Oxford - Harry Potter movie scenes everywhere!

Stratford-upon-Avon - city is so so, but the Royal Shakespeare Company production of As You Like It was phenomenal.

The Cotswolds - charming, quaint country villages with thatched roof houses:)

Warwick - Disneylandish Medieval castle where we saw some jousting; wasn't allowed into the Princess Tower because it is "an attraction for children" which I think is discriminatory...

Derby - pretty countryside of rolling green hills.

Chatsworth House - this house belongs to the Dutchess of Devonshire and I think I would be pals with her. The house is cool, but they have an awesome eclectic collection of art and some amazing grounds full of fountains, sheep, and roosters and of course pretty flowers.

York - Old city wall, more fascinating Roman history equipped with modern ghost stories when you explore the underground of the city from Roman times; The Shambles reminded me of a Charles Dickens novel.

Edinburgh -A city bursting with plaid and tricky to understand accents, but how cool is the castle on the mound and bagpipers playing for handouts on the streets??

London - Wagamama and museums that are free but so full of treasures that it is just embarrassing to the rest of the worlds' museums. And Harrods. Holy cow. Like a mini-Vegas casino right in the heart of London...and what happens in Harrods, stays in Harrods;)

Pursuit #13: Englandia

2010-08-08T09:05:00.001-04:00

I'm off to the Motherland today. I will be touring Englandia and Scotlandia for the next 12 days. I'll see if I can do any posts from over the pond, but we shall just have to see...Cheers!

Pursuit #12: A Reminder

2010-08-08T09:03:00.000-04:00

The best days are those without real plans. See where the day leads you. That is all:)

Pursuit #11: W&OD Good Samaritan

2010-08-06T14:00:00.000-04:00

Today is very hot. Approaching 90 degrees, plus the wonderful humidity which was approx 80% when I started my 15 mile journey this morning.

HOT

Somewhere around mile 13.5, I was sucking on the dredges of my Camelbak. I came upon an oasis on the trail - a water fountain - only to find that this oasis was more like a mirage, producing only a teasing trickle of water that wouldn't make it to my mouth.

Just a mirage...

A fellow runner was able to refill his fuel belt water bottles in the trickle and instantly handed me one, then another to polish off. I don't think I would have made it much further if he hadn't. He's my hero for the day. We were both struggling in the heat on the trail though he was pursuing a whopping 19 miles. For both of us at that point, it was a run/walk scenario. But I made it. Thank you good samaritan!! It's so nice to know that my fellow runners got my back. And vice versa of course.

Pursuit #10: The Omnivore's Dilemma

2010-08-05T22:29:00.000-04:00

I am almost done with this book, The Omnivore's Dilemma. And it has made me run a gamut of emotions about the food I eat.

The first portion of the book made me completely grossed out by the industrial food market, with its chemically processed ingredients that encompass most foods bought in the grocery store. Not only are they full of pesticides and antibiotics and the animals are treated horrendously, but on top of that, almost every ingredient in most prepacked food is derived from or indirectly stems from corn. We're just giant ears of corn walking around. Gross.

Then the middle portion of the book left me less than impressed with the organic food market and its big name giants like Whole Foods. It's an industrial food market in and of itself that may not be that much better due to the USDA's elastic rules as to what they consider "organic." We're still giant ears of corn walking around, just shelling out more $$ to have our exotic foods shipped in from the nether regions of the world.

I was truly impressed with the farm the author does a mini-apprenticeship at and writes about. It's called Polyface Farm and it's right here in VA!

I was impressed with the science behind their farming techniques. It's so simple and logical since it is based off the intrinsic laws of nature and ecology - the interplay of the animal, grass, and insect species. I had no idea a field of grass was so complex and diversified as I found out through this book. Polyface runs a completely transparent farming operation that is open to anyone to stop by and check them out. They're beyond organic obviously. And they let their animals live out their animal characteristics in a humane environment. I was excited to see that they sell some of their food to some local restaurants near me, some of which I've even been to. I am thinking a visit to Polyface is in order! Luckily this farm is close enough to me, I could get goods from them. But not matter where I live in the future, I am convinced that going local, organic and sustainable is the way to go.

Moo! Go local!

Pursuit #9: Pyramid Scheme

2010-08-04T22:22:00.001-04:00

No, I'm not trying to sell you Amway. I'm selling you Pampered Chef!

Kidding, kidding. I'm simply selling you some more psychology:)

The Pursuit:
So onto the pyramid schemes that relate to our lives. As you may recall, there's ye olde Food Guide Pyramid (which has undergone some recent renovation it looks like) telling us what of each food group we should eat. And there's also a lesser known pyramid (though it was created in the 1940's) telling us about our needs. According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, humans have a hierarchy of needs, seen in his pyramid-shaped theory to explain human motivation.

According to Maslow, our basic needs start out as physical, then as people progress up the pyramid, needs become increasingly psychological and social. The first 4 basic needs are deemed deficiency needs - Physiological, Safety, Love/Belonging, and Esteem - that arise out of deprivation. We work to satisfy those needs in order to alleviate any feelings of anxiety or stress we would feel from their deficiency in our lives.

The top need, Self-Actualization, is what he deems a growth need. This is not a need that arises from a lack of anything. Rather it is a need that arises from a desire to grow and develop as a person to achieve our own potential.

The Findings:
I made a list of 3 significant activities that I have participated in during the last month that fit each category, either an overt activity or a covert behavior like a thought. Then using a rating scale, I rated my level of satisfaction in each of those categories based on how well those activities are meeting my needs. Nothing complex, simply did I feel slightly satisfied, generally satisfied, totally satisfied, or perhaps totally unsatisfied?

What I found was revealing about my priorities in life. Our ratings can fluctuate from day to day obviously, but it's interesting to account for where our focus is. Maybe I'm putting too much emphasis on my social well-being and not enough on my personal growth. Or maybe I'm satisfying my basic needs, but not to the extent that I would like to be (i.e. not sleeping enough, not eating healthily, not exercising enough etc). It's a good self-inventory practice that keeps us on the right path to becoming more self-actualized. Now go on with your bad self!

Pursuit #8: I need a j-o-b

2010-08-03T09:35:00.002-04:00

I'm looking for a part-time job. I hate looking for jobs almost as much as having them. Just kidding...sort of. But really, for me searching for jobs is right next to, or quite possibly even superior to, grocery shopping as one of my least favorite activities.

As I was doing my reading for psychology, I came upon this tidbit in the textbook about job satisfaction:

"Obviously, job satisfaction depends largely on the job itself, including the interest level, the pay, coworkers, and management. It also depends on the worker's personality. Some people are just easier to please than others...if your close relatives say they are happy with their jobs, you probably will be also...You don't inherit your job, but you inherit your disposition...People who are prone to unpleasant feelings become exhausted with their work faster than others and are likely to complain of 'job burnout.'"

So now I know who to blame for my dislike of jobs! How do I become easier to please? How can I fight you, genetics?!

Pursuit #7: Morrie-ism

2010-08-02T21:40:00.003-04:00

Sometimes the stars don't align for me - things don't go the way I envisioned them in my fantasy world (it's PG-13, don't worry) - and that frustrates me.

Sometimes I get really stressed out - all these little things keep mounting until I feel suffocated under this giant steaming ball of...poop - and that frustrates me (cause who wants to be suffocated by poop?)

Sometimes I feel like I just wake up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed - I feel like that giant steaming ball of poop, but I don't know why - and that frustrates me.

And that is just reality.

I remember a snippet from Mitch Albom's book Tuesdays with Morrie, which I read quite a few years ago. It has really stuck with me since. When Mitch is interviewing Morrie, who is suffering from Lou Gehrig's disease (a progressive neurodegenerative fatal disease), he asks how Morrie can stay so positive each day. Morrie responds by saying some mornings he wants to cry and feel sorry for himself. So he does. He lets himself feel pain, sadness, grief or whatever the negative emotion is. But then he tells himself, "Ok, that is what sadness feels like. Now it's time to move on." (I'm paraphrasing).

Just have to remember to let myself feel, but not dwell.

Pursuit #6: The Pursuit

2010-08-01T10:38:00.006-04:00

The Pursuit:
A lot of people move to LA or NYC to try to make it big or get discovered. You find them working as waiters/waitresses at California Pizza Kitchen, working at FAO Schwartz and cowboy boot stores (Nashville only) and the people wearing signs out in the street handing you coupons to broadway shows...And for like 99.99% of these people, their big break never comes. So it's easy to be cynical when someone has such dreams.

The Findings:
But for this girl Christina Perri, it actually happened. Working as a waitress in LA, writing and recording songs in her free time, she had a Rockette friend who slipped her demo to a radio exec who asked Christina for a recording to use on So You Think You Can Dance. After it aired, within a whirlwind month, she got a record breaking number of downloads of her single Jar of Hearts before she even had got her record deal, and an offer to tour with Jason Mraz. Who knows how long this roller coaster will last for her, but I think she has talent...and I am the final say when it comes to that, obviously. If I could sing, I wish I had her voice - deep, dark, sultry. I enjoy her blog cause she's very honest and raw and she has posted some videos of her singing. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like I can hear the passion in her voice. My favorite is this one:

Now I feel like such an underachiever and need to go do something with my life...But seriously, I like seeing hard working people with talent achieve their dreams much more than I do seeing a factory-molded pop artist churned out by the record label. Way to go, Christina!

Pursuit #5: At least I'm not in jail...

2010-07-31T22:49:00.001-04:00

but if I were, I would want to hear from Greg Rutter.

Way to go, Greg, for turning a crappy stint in jail into a daily bombardment of vim, vigor and witty banter! dearlindsaylohan.com

Pursuit #4: Work = Games

2010-07-30T23:28:00.003-04:00

The Pursuit:
Today I shadowed a couple Occupational Therapists at the National Rehabilitation Hospital in DC. I have shadowed OT's in other locations including the Outpatient Therapy side of the NHR. But today was my first time shadowing on their Inpatient Therapy side. And lucky for me, I got to shadow the pediatrics unit, as well as the Brain Injury unit which I find fascinating.

The Findings:
My day consisted of: playing Wii Bowling, the board game Guess Who?, soccer, horseshoes, a princess game, "grocery shopping" and velcro/tennis ball catch. And that was just a typical work day! I think I could get used to this Occupational Therapy thing:) The best part is seeing how happy the kids were and to hear from the therapists how far each of the patients has come. One adult brain injury patient was sadly going to be sent to a nursing home because his family didn't want him. So the OT spent the last session shaving off his beard that had developed. It's the simple things like that that really make a difference for these patients who have been hospitalized for so long.

Pursuit #3: Operation Beautiful

2010-07-29T23:16:00.003-04:00

My friend Anne has a friend who has a website called Operation Beautiful which is really fantastic.

"The mission of Operation Beautiful is to post anonymous notes in public places for other women to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL."

People take photos of the notes they leave in a public place with a nice quote about how we're all beautiful the way we are. It can be something as simple as "Smile! You're beautiful!" but the message is still the same. Hopefully someone finds my note in the women's bathroom on the first floor of the CS building of NOVA Annandale campus and gets a warm fuzzy feeling inside:)

Operation Beautiful: Pass it on!

Pursuit #2: A New Earth

2010-07-28T23:16:00.001-04:00

The Pursuit:
I just finished listening to Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth: Awakening to your Life's Purpose. Once again, going in I felt skeptical - it seemed uber new-agey, espousing seemingly intangible concepts like enlightenment, awareness, awakening, egoic consciousness, pain bodies, and inner aliveness. (Not to mention the book is read by the author and it reminded me of this funny video my friend shared with me of Werner Herzog reading Where's Waldo?) The premise of the book is to show us how the world today is problematic due to our unhealthy collective consciousness based on the ego and how we can effect a shift in that very same consciousness, an awakening or enlightenment.

"The unchecked striving for more, for endless growth, is a dysfunction and a disease. It is the same dysfunction the cancerous cell manifests, whose only goal is to multiply itself, unaware that it is bringing about its own destruction by destroying the organism of which it is a part."

Findings:
Tolle puts his own spin on ancient Buddhist and Taoist principles, like mediation, living in the now, becoming aware of but detaching ourselves from our thoughts, mind-processes, the ego and things.

"Words reduce reality to something the human mind can grasp, which isn’t very much. Language consists of five basic sounds produced by the vocal cords. They are the vowels a, e, i, o, u. The other sounds are consonants produced by air pressure: s, f, g, and so forth. Do you believe some combination of such basic sounds could ever explain who you are, or the ultimate purpose of the universe, or even what a tree or stone is in its depth?"

While nothing really revolutionary was uncovered in this book, I think his point is still valid: that our society would benefit from a profound awakening to a more "enlightened" state. For me this book reiterated the concept of living in the now that I mentioned in the previous post on mediation.

This is an intriguing, multi-faceted topic to explore, and I can't even really do it justice by trying to explain it. It is more a starting block for my own personal inner exploration and how I can simplify my thoughts, mind, life. Sometimes the things we think are important, just aren't. A simple quote sums up things up quite nicely:

"Do you want to know what my secret is? You see, I don't mind what happens." - J. Krishnamurti

Apparently Oprah is a big fan. They have an entire web series together.

Pursuit #1: Live in the NOW

2010-07-28T01:17:00.010-04:00

The Pursuit:

Recently I visited the Shambala Meditation Center in DC to learn how to meditate. I wasn't completely convinced that it would really do anything. It seemed so new agey and perhaps a bit esoteric. But due to curiosity, and after reading about the alleged benefits of the practice and feeling routinely stressed from school or life, I thought how will I know if it works or not if I don't try it?

Findings:
Meditating is hard. It involves retraining the way we think. I just learned about something in psychology called spreading activation which describes how our brains jump from one thought to another. You start thinking about the laundry you need to get done, which reminds you of that shirt you used to own when you were 12 that you loved, which makes you start thinking about the girl in your 7th grade class who wore funny glasses....and so on and so on. Our thoughts are racing, they get jumbled and we get overwhelmed, stressed or agitated. Rarely do we ever really just live in the now, not let our minds wander and just...be. Seems so simple. If you try to do it though, I guarantee you will struggle, at least at first.

Meditation is mindfulness and awareness.

It "begins by simplifying everything. We sit on the cushion, follow our breath and watch our thoughts. We simplify our whole situation." - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

It seems a little counter-intuitive, but by being still and quiet and becoming fully absorbed in the present moment, we come to realize that life is made up of these present moments and we really can't deal with more than one moment at a time. The past is past. The future is unknown. If we don't allow ourselves to live in the present, we'll miss out on life.

Per Shambala style, you can meditate anywhere and anytime - eyes open, while driving, in your bed, whilst exercising. If my mind is all aflutter or I get frustrated about something, I take a few deep breaths and say the following phrases, which I learned from a Buddhist monk named Thich Nhat Hanh. Inhale with the first phrase, and exhale with the subsequent phrase:

In, Out
Deep, Slow
Calm, Ease
Smile, Release
Present Moment, Wonderful Moment

The Pursuit of Happiness

2010-07-28T01:00:00.001-04:00

I happened upon a book called The Happiness Project the other day. I haven't read this book. Just the inside jacket. But I like the premise:

"a memoir of the year I spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, the current scientific studies, and the lessons from popular culture about how to be happy--from Aristotle to Martin Seligman to Thoreau to Oprah"

So today, the kickoff to my 27th year on this earth, I decided will be the beginning of my own happiness project. The author of The Happiness Project has a formula for making her project and even has a toolkit for readers to use in order to make their own happiness projects. However inspired I am by her ideas, I am going to create my own version. But I encourage anyone else to take on a similar feat and maybe, in the words of MJ, we'll "heal the world." Either that or "Beat It." Ok, but seriously. For the next year, my goal is to update this thing once a day with something I found that works for leading a healthier, happier life, not just for me, but for everyone. This is mostly just for my own documentation, but maybe it'll catch on. Ok, ready, set, GO!

Things I ponder most days, these days...

2010-06-24T15:24:00.002-04:00

1. Due to the inhospitability of this planet as of late, I am considering real estate options on another planet. Or the moon. Yes, zero gravity beats 98 degree heat and Code Orange air day after day.

2. Sometimes people say they are young at heart. But I am quite sure I am 80 years old at heart. I fell down the stairs the other day and got whiplash. The geriatric me is just dying to get out.

3. Online class should be spelled b-a-c-k-f-i-r-e.

4. If you stare at your beloved glass ring you purchased in Spain contemplating its amazing strength and resilience to breaking, it will thank you later that very day by shattering to pieces. Damn you Murphy!

5. I tried not to, but I still love Diet Coke.

6. According to my psychology textbook, they still really don't know what they're talking about with psychology. Can I take my final now?

Glasses

2010-03-13T16:56:00.001-05:00

A coworker told me about this awesome website for eyeglasses. Since I have been recruited (not by choice) to the world of eyeglass wearers, I thought I'd spread the word.

The website http://www.warbyparker.com/ will send you up to 5 pairs of glasses without the lenses to try on at home. They'll supply you with a pre-paid envelope to mail them back within 7 days. They'll replace any glasses you don't like, no questions asked. They're affordable. They're stylish (though they follow the trend of thicker and bigger frames, which are oh so hot right now). They will also donate a pair of glasses to someone in need with every pair that you purchase. They are awesome!

These are the ones I bought.

Pretty, witty...and GAY!

2010-02-05T18:07:00.008-05:00

Neighbours :: Seattle, WA My first experience at a gay bar was in Seattle with my BYU roommates. Why might you ask would a couple BYU gals traipse over to the awesomely entertaining 80's party at Neighbours gay disco in Seattle? Why not! Although, I must admit I kinda felt voyeuristic since it was more an observational experience than a participatory one, being all BYU-ey and such. My favorite was the guy who rode up on his bicycle wearing bunny ears and spandex and some bunched up white socks with big white sneakers. He hopped about that dance floor like no other discoteching rabbit I've ever seen. His high kicks rivaled those of the famed BYU Cougarettes. Very impressive.

Hell's Kitchen :: NYC Sokphal and I accompanied our close friend Devin, who had just recently come out and was curious as were we, to a hip gay bar in hip NYC. The reward for our curiosity? A Lance Bass sighting. Jealous!?!

Gay Pride Parade & Festival :: DC At the time I had a really short, pixie-cut hairstyle. I had actually been wondering if maybe my haircut would lead me to receive some pick-up attempts or not by any women. But alas, their gaydar went beyond the haircut and no one hit on me. Ashley = 0 points. As Devin and I were walking away from the festival, we passed a couple girls sitting on a bench. Devin overheard their debate as to whether I was gay or not because of my hair. Point Ashley!

Freddie's :: Crystal City, VA My boss is a DJ on the side. She invited some of us out to see her DJ at this gay bar which was flamingoed to the hilt and very pink and beachy. While she spun those sick beats, I mingled with some coworker friends. I noticed the crowd there seemed mostly A. female and/or B. older and/or C. transsexual. I waited in the line for the women's restroom at one point. When a transvestite in a hot little white number came out, I went in to find the toilet seat up. Apparently science has not yet figured out how to detransfer that trait in the transgendering process. Back to mingling, and my bf Brian starts bragging to me how he got hit on by some dude - "Oh heyy honey!" - as he was walking through the crowd. I asked, "Who was it?" He points to a bald overweight guy in the corner table, to which our coworker responds, "Oh! You mean the BLIND guy!?" Turns out he really was blind and said the same lines to everyone he accidentally ran into on the dancefloor. Maybe next time Bri:(

Prostitutes know their pasta.

2010-01-18T01:23:00.004-05:00

Every Friday at work, we have lunch catered for us. Every Thursday, we get an email from the office manager telling us what we can expect to ingest the following day.

This past week's menu update read: Friday's lunch menu is lasagna, penne with puttanesca sauce, caesar salad, rolls and cannolis for dessert. Having never heard of it before, I figured that this puttanesca sauce must be something exotic and wonderful. Being the curious cat that I am, I decided to look it up.

The first response that came up from our friend Wikipedia tells me Spaghetti a la Puttanesca is also known as Whore's Spaghetti...intriguing. Upon further examination, our other friend Merriam-Webster confirms this pasta's whoredom.

Etymology: Italian, short for alla puttanesca, literally, in the style of a prostitute: served with or being a pungent tomato sauce typically containing olives, garlic, capers, hot peppers and sometimes anchovies.

I'm now slightly concerned. So many questions! Is "pungent" a good thing? Are whores good cooks? ANCHOVIES!?!

My coworker and I decided that the Italian Mafia must have actually been in charge of naming pasta dishes. Lasagna actually means drug dealer. And cannolis is just a fancy word for bootleggers. You might think twice now next time you order your Linguini Alfredo, or you could wind up mezza morta.

For further reading enjoyment, check out Mobspeak.

Job : Boils :: Ashley : Roommates

2009-12-03T00:03:00.006-05:00

Trash night is on Wed. nights at our house. Last week I took the trash out, and brought it back in, as the ritual goes. On Mon. night I see this note to me in the dining room:

Really?! Cause it's much more important that I go outside 2 days before the trash is supposed to go out and physically rotate the cans the optimal 180 degrees instead of my roommate doing it when it's actually her turn to take out the garbage. I probably saved her about 10 seconds of her life. (However, those 10 seconds were completely negated when she took at least that to write me that note.)

This was almost as bad as my previous roommate a couple years ago who said to me, "Ashley, when you take a shower, will you put the toilet seat lid down? I don't like it if I have to use the bathroom after you've showered and there's condensation on the toilet seat, even though I know it's just water."

So now I'm thinking, I should start leaving notes too! My first one will be:
"Roomie -

Please turn all the soap dispensers in the house so that the spouts form right angles with the faucet handles, ensuring that my hand to dispenser trajectory is most efficient."

Disaster Date

2009-11-27T10:57:00.004-05:00

Let me paint a picture for you. A picture of a disastrous date. I had to pinch myself to believe that this really happened, but this story will make me laugh for decades. The other day I bought two tickets to see Devendra Banhart at the 9:30 Club. My date was a guy I've been "seeing" for approx a month now. So we plan this date the day before. We meet up in DC. We grab a couple jumbo slices of pizza before the concert. He seems a little out of it. He mentions how he stayed up til 3 am the night before working on his resume cause he's fed up with his boss. So that morning he was feeling kinda stressed and decided to take an anti-anxiety pill he had gotten from a "friend"..hmmm. I forget the name of the pill. It started with a K. The pill definitely put him in a very mellow mood.

So after the concert we decide we'll watch a movie at his place. (GI Joe...horrible movie that even Channing Tatum can't save). I fall asleep. I wake up at the end of the movie and the TV is blaring. I look over and he is passed out next to me. So I shake him gently. Nothing. I shake him harder. Nothing. His drink is toppled over in his lap (luckily empty). He is officially PASSED OUT hardcore. I start to get a little concerned. What if I have to call the paramedics? And then they ask me what he took, and I have to say "I dunno, something with a K that he doesn't have a prescription for?" I start shaking him fervently. Still breathing. Check. He finally shows signs of life and kinda opens his eyes. He looks up at me and mumbles something about how we should check his pulse. My eyes got big and my own pulse I'm sure was starting to race. I was actually slapping his face a little to get him to wake up more. So once he's relatively awake, I help him stumble to bed as I support him since he can't stand by himself. He decides he needs to go to the bathroom. He goes in. Oh boy. After 3 minutes of no noise, I decide to check on him. I knock. Nothing. I have to go in. I find him sitting on the toilet with his upper body completely rag doll style plopped over and passed out again. I shake him some more. He wakes up and says, "You know what I'm most concerned about? The civilians." I nod and drag him over to his bed. (As an aside he works for the DoD doing Civilian policy so I guess it's not a completely outlandish comment.) He immediately throws himself on the bed face down and assumes a crouching position. As far as I can tell he's completely out. And so am I...

Dating Advice from an Aquabats Fan

2009-09-26T12:51:00.005-04:00

Friday I sent an IM (aka a Spark as it's called at work) to a coworker to check on something for me. He responded at one point with a line from an Aquabats song, which I'm pretty much unfamiliar with, but happened to see live once in DC on a date. So I said, I've seen them live! thus spurring a further and quirky conversation with probably the quirkiest character that I work with.

Exhibit A:

Quirky: So yeah
Quirky: WHen did you see the Aquabats?
Me: hmm a few years ago
Ashley Gerber: at Nation. that club they closed in like SE
Ashley Gerber: i think
Quirky: I went to Nation quite a lot
Quirky: And I may have been at that show
Me: oh cool
Me: they put on a pretty entertaining show
Quirky: Got any of their albums?
Me: no. i hadn't listened to them before that concert. someone took me there. on a date haha
Quirky: Was it a first date?
Me: uhh, maybe? maybe like 2nd
Me: i think it was the first one
Me: and the last hahha
Quirky: Yeah, I can see that
Quirky: I love the Aquabats
Quirky: But I would have to have been seeing someone for like 6 months before I took them to one of their shows
Quirky: I would be like "Hey, I'm busy this night, but do you wanna get gelato Friday?"

So there you have it. Dating advice from an Aquabats fan.

Ashley's Dating Rules

2009-07-13T22:02:00.003-04:00

Oh, I've done some dating in my time. Thus and so, I have started a list of some dating mishaps. Not my mishaps; I'm perfect. Their mishaps. Duh.

My bladder should be smaller than yours. If you are a male over the age of 10, I think it's safe to say you shouldn't have to go to the bathroom an exponential number of times in an hour and a half long meal. Especially when I haven't even gone once and had the same amount to drink as you.

You're photosensitive, but you're not a vampire. Do you find yourself having to ask to switch seats because your chair is in direct twilight, yet you are neither an albino nor a vampire? Then please don't call me. (Actually if you are either of the latter, don't call me either...)

YOU have bad circulation?!? What a coincidence! So does my grandma!!! My grandma really does have bad circulation. I too have inherited this disease. I generally have subnormal body temperature and I freeze if it's under like 70 degrees. So if I'm not cold and you are, I question if you really do have a Y chromosome.

Cheap Feels. Grabbing my arm muscles to see how "strong" I am as a way to put your arm around me and/or grabbing my waist/hip/picking me up off the ground around my stomach a la King Kong = awkward. My uncomfortable levels really can go to 11.

This may need to be a running list. But for now, this will have to do.

Oh the irony...

2009-06-16T18:57:00.006-04:00

So last week my roommate sent me the link to a mildly amusing website called passiveaggressivenotes.com. People upload pictures of, obviously, passive aggressive notes they either find or people write to them. So ironically enough, this morning I see this post it note on our door, posted by the same roommate. (The Miles Grant thing is a cut out of our friend's friend Miles who ran for a delegate position in our area and we use him as our little area to post notes to each other on our door).
In case it's too blurry, the note reads: "Miles Grant Says: 'I'm glad nothing happened in the house last night since the study window was wide open all night!'" She designated me as the official window closer at night since I am generally the last one to go to bed. And ooops I missed one! So now I must pay, passively of course.

Conversations with an 8 year old, via Gmail

2009-05-17T22:29:00.008-04:00

My 8 year old niece recently got gmail and has since been sending me emails and chats. Below are the all-too-riveting conversations we are having. Why aren't we all this succinct? Please note these three messages were sent before I had a chance to respond to each separately, so I basically just responded to all simultaneously.

Subject: nothing [subject line was not blank, she actually wrote the word "nothing"]
Alicia: "hello,

how are you doing?"
Me: "Hi Alicia!
When did you get this email address? I'm doing well, how are you doing?
I'm done with school. Now I'm just working.
When are you done with school?"
Alicia: "I'm done with school on Brandons birthday.
I got my email address on the 16th.
I'm doing fine."

Subject: nothing [again]
Alicia:"Hello Ashley cherryblossom,
I'm just wondering how you are doing?"
Me: "Hi Alicia,
Why am I Ashley cherryblossom??"
Alicia: "I dont now?"

Alicia: hi AshleyI was just wondering how school is

Listography

2009-04-24T10:22:00.007-04:00

I received a small raise at work this week. Yes, yes, thank you, thank you. I'm slowly climbing my way up the corporate ladder if you will. It can only get better up there, since I'm already getting a plethora of free food and tshirts. So when I make lots of money (because according to the woman who read my palm 2 years ago I will be a billionaire someday), here are a list of things I want:

1. A Great Dane. This gigantic, yet gracefully beautiful creature, necessitates a large living space and plenty of food and luxury canine accoutrements. I think having a Great Dane was like the status symbol of sorts in the pre-car era, akin to owning a Cadillac.

2. A trampoline floor, in a room with padded walls and tall ceilings of course. Rumor has it Bill Gates has one. It'd be at least 7 times more awesome than Tom Hanks' trampoline in Big.

3. No stairs in my house. Just escalators. Why? Because I can. And also for the excessively long hallways in my huge home there will be people movers like in the airport/NGA. This is also a good investment for when I become old and mobility-challenged.

4. Aquarium tunnel. I can't remember if it's at the Baltimore Aquarium or not, but you stand on a people mover (see above) and are effortlessly maneuvered through an amazing aquarium tunnel as if you were underwater yourself! Fish and sharks etc glide over your head. Children cower. Old people drool and point. It's fantastic.

5. A fireman's pole. I will make my children slide down this for dinner when I ring the dinner bell. Call me old school.

6. I'm going to pull the world's top marine engineers away from their important work. Then I will put them to work figuring out how to create some private islands in the form of a palm tree out in the middle of the ocean. This would merely require spending billions of dollars importing sand and rocks and shooting them out into the water almost futilely - oh wait, Dubai beat me to it!

7. A Segway. Don't judge.
My inspiration:

Where my hoes [sic] at???

2009-04-14T22:29:00.009-04:00

So at work, I look at lots of custom designed t-shirt orders. Generally they are boring: So and So's family reunion, So and So's "Fling Before the Ring" (or some other cutesy rhyme about getting hitched), Such and Such sports team, etc. However, peppered within the boring ones are some sparkling nuggets of craziness. I oft come across blatant sexual references, or perhaps just an innuendo. There are orders with curse words, orders that are anti-Obama, orders that are artsy, orders that are hideous and poorly designed, and orders that are just silly and or quite clever.

When I first started back in August/September, I was unfamiliar to the gamut of material I might see and how I should proceed. Well, turns out we totally just support the First Amendment, so pretty much anything goes if it's what our customer wants. One of the first orders I got that taught me this went something like this:

A particular group of saxophone players at a university in Arizona made some t-shirts, I guess to commemorate their group's inside jokes and what not. On the back of the shirt was a list of their top ten quotes. It was a barrage of bad grammar, misspellings and bad punctuation, not to mention chock full of multiple swear words. I pulled a coworker aside to see if we actually would print this, and he just laughed and said yeah, and that I should go through each of the ten lines and pull out edits for grammar/punctuation and have our customer service reps call the customer to see if they wanted us to change those things. So my list for customer service was something like, "Should we capitalize 'bitch' in line 7, since they capitalized 'Whore' in line 6? Should we put a comma after 'Fuck' in line 3 or before 'shithead' in line 4?"

The best however was their spelling of "Hoe," to which they made some malicious statement. And I don't care that Urban Dictionary says it could be spelled either way, because as far as I and Merriam-Webster are concerned, this spelling refers to a...gardening tool.

Eventually the customer told our service rep, "NO! DON'T change ANYTHING on our shirt." So we proceeded to have this shirt printed and somewhere in Arizona there are multiple people walking around with angry commands aimed at gardening tools. I mean, while I would much rather prefer to initiate delicate communication with a "hoe," at times I find it is necessary to perhaps speak with aggressive tones and slightly raised voice towards the aforementioned "hoe."

God Bless America.

Don't Fear the Reaper, Fear the Rascal!

2009-03-19T22:57:00.003-04:00

Dreams seem to be a good blog topic. I'd love to hear anyone's interpretation of this gem:

Last week, I dreamt I was trying to park my car in a rather full parking lot. It was nighttime, and I had two friends in the car with me. I pulled into part deux of the parking lot (like the overflow section) and finally see an open spot. I'm pulling towards this spot head on. Still a decent distance away from the spot, I see an old man on a Rascal scooter scoot his way across this spot. Then he actually stops right in front of this ONLY open parking spot. Oh, nooo he didn't!!!

But he did.

Then he and the scooter fell over. I gasped in horror and sadness and was about to take action of some sort. But before I could do anything, he leapt up from the ground and bounded toward my car at superhuman speed/strength (not unlike zombies do in that zombie movie with Will Smith, or any other movie about the "undead..."). Luckily I reacted fast enough to lock the car doors before he was able to open them, and I floored it forward into the grass just to get away. The End.

Mildly disturbing? Perhaps. Now I really question those 80-something Rascals...and their scooters too.

An Ode to My Unconscious

2008-12-01T22:47:00.004-05:00

I sometimes dream. Perhaps, I always dream and I only sometimes remember my dreams. Either way, those times I do recall my REM experiences, boy, are they spectacular.

In my psychological anthroplogy class we were required to read a bit of Freud. During that time I was also required to keep a dream journal. The dreams I recorded therein were not the best I have to offer. But they were a good sampling platter of how my unconscious makes no sense whatsoever. I think I've actually since misplaced that journal (or it's tightly packed away somewhere just like all my other latent thoughts and desires), but I do have a running list of my top 5 in my head at all times, disclosed below.

Disclaimer: Most of these involve random famous people whom I have never met, or even care to meet (or so I thought....)

1. Back in the day, sans children and pre-Sinead O'Connor hair, Britney Spears made an appearance in one of my dreams (which I actually tend to categorize as more of a premonition, but let's move on). I was attending a Press Conference put on by Ms. Spears and her mother, who was her manager. Her mother was proceeding to tell us that in order to revamp Britney's trashy image, she was going to have two children out of wedlock, by two different men. Of course, we in the press were like "Huh?" Suffice it to say that Britney did go on to have two children, though not out of wedlock nor by different men, but still. This proves my gift. If only I can harness this gift and turn it into something worthwhile.

2. Next, I was once married to the rapper Eminem. I recall going on tour with him and hanging out with his daughter Haley who was my step daughter. His ex-wife Kim was also tagging along. The best part was that Eminem and I, though married, slept in separate twin beds just like Lucy and Ricky. See, my dreams are even G-rated! My grandma would be proud.

3. Another time I hung out with my old pal, Jack Nicholson. And by old I mean cause he's old. But as part of a seeming routine, we met up at a playground to hang out. This was not just any playground however. This was a playground built for adults. Everything was to scale for adults. But it still closely resembled the old wooden playground at my elementary school which was full of nooks and crannies to crawl through. Fantastic.

4. I once was set to fight Darth Vader. What was even more bizarre was that it was taking place in a cultural hall stage/gymnasium at an LDS church building. There was a cargo net suspended over the stage which was what we were supposed to climb across to fight - with light sabers, of course. This seemed wholly unfair to me since I am not a skilled light saberer nor a cargo net climber. I was upset I didn't have time to practice, so I ended up skipping out and hiding in a janitor's closet. I am not ashamed cause I think it was just an unfair match to begin with...moving on.

5. Just a couple days ago, I dreamt I was babysitting a red headed boy of about 7 years old. He had this amazing head of rich, wavy auburn hair. The weird part for me was that we were laying in the meadow that used to be behind my house growing up until they built a house there. It was a nice spring day and I guess we were just watching clouds or something. There was a cameo by one of the cavemen from the Geico commericals that walked by. Then I turned to this boy, during our alleged heart to heart and said, "You've got some great hair. Just promise me you won't become Carrot Top, ok??" Best advice I've ever given.

I can't wait to go to sleep tonight....

Freaks flock together. And we flock to the freaks.

2008-11-16T00:03:00.003-05:00

I love Cirque du Soleil. This last time I went though, I couldn't help thinking about it as a freak show. It's full of contortionists, trapeze swingers, gravity defying crazy people, tightrope walkers, stilt walkers and catapultists*. In the words of Arrested Development, these are not "everyday people." I don't even know how one becomes a suitable candidate for the Cirque. I mean I knew people who took gymnastics growing up, but as far as I recall, there weren't any contortionist classes around. Cause c'mon, if there were I totally would have signed up.

Now, granted, I've never been to an actual freak show. And really I'm quite certain freak shows really don't exist anymore (something to do with being all P.C. and for human rights and what not...Psh). Now I get that the Cirque performers do not have freakish body deformities or other oddities. We're not going to Cirque du Soleil to stare at the bearded lady or the albino twins as it was with the side shows of the past. But I can't help but wonder if these Cirque performers are also somewhat of "outsiders" as well. They perform such unique and sometimes bizarre feats that most people wouldn't even dream of doing. They spend their days practicing balancing on top of a tower of 18 chairs or doing a flip on stilts off a catapult while I and many other people sit at a desk/computer for 8 or more hours a day. For them, the norm is bicycles on tightropes and clowns and juggling while dancing in shiny silver disco ball-like pants and riding unicycles with a girl pretzel-ing around one's face. I also imagine all the performers having crazy bonfires together in their spare time and instead of mingling at someone's house party talking of politics and The Hills, they have crazy break dance fights and contests to see who can juggle the most turkeys while bouncing on a trampoline.

Really, I think the freaks have got it all figured out. At $80 and up per person for the Cirque and sold out shows all over, these freaks are laughing at US all the way to the bank. And I am more than just a wee bit jealous.

* I'm making these names up.

Disclaimer: I mean "freaks" in the loving/carefree sense of the word.

Graham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am!

2008-09-19T21:24:00.015-04:00

About 5 weeks ago, I started a new job (Huzzah!). My previous workplace was wacky and chaotic and claustrophobic - I only had 5 coworkers. Alas, there are things I kinda miss about that wacky establishment. Let me first describe my one coworker, Graham. Nice guy. But he definitely lives in Quirky Town, Population: 1.

Highlights of his quirkitude, mostly involving food:

1. Made his own cheese. He would bring it in a small Mason jar and would eat it off a knife.

2. Big into the raw food movement. Believes food, i.e. meat and milk, is best left untouched because when you cook it, it changes the molecular structure and thereby changes how your body absorbs it and the nutrients that are leftover. Thus and so, he owned a share in a cow at a farm in Winchester, VA in order to obtain raw milk, which apparently is illegal in VA unless done the aforementioned way. He would bring this milk to work in Mason jars (pattern?)...sometimes he even drank the milky run off from the curdled cheese he made in #1. (As an aside, one time he had a jar of Emeril's Garlic Spaghetti sauce that he put on all his food, although never on any pasta substance of any sort....when he finished the jar - you may want to grab a paper bag - he rinsed it and proceeded to drink the sauce tinged water).
3. Because I was a runner, he assumed I ate healthy foods. This is completely false. Give me pizza, or give me death. Yet he proceeded to bring me samples of fermented beets and manna bread, which I did try (and promptly spit out). He also took the time to dog ear pages for me in a 1000 page book about how raw foods are good for you. One of my favorite passages mentioned a "study" done in Alaska whereupon some "scientist" found that when Eskimos feed their sled dogs raw meat, it makes them run faster and longer than if they feed them cooked meat. But dogs also eat poop. I am not a dog. Moving on.

4. He brought me a pamphlet that appeared to be circa 1986 about a special herbal yeast supplement called Bio-Strath. Developed by Swiss scientists, it allegedly can boost your immune system, give you more energy, and overall just make you stronger. All with just a droplet on your tongue! He really sold it to me when he said: "I've really noticed a difference in my energy when I run to catch the bus every morning." Look at this happy Swiss family!! YAY!!

5. He always came into work around 11am or noon and would stay til 7 or 8pm. He was somewhat of a workaholic and didn't like to take breaks or spend money on food. So he often came by and would ask me if he could eat some of my snacks. I generally had crackers and or some chips to snack on at the office. So after a couple times of asking me, he decided he could just eat them after I left for the day. On multiple occasions I came in to find an empty cracker box with a note "Will replace -G" (Exhibit A*). Sure enough he did replace the food he ate. Though sometimes, he wouldn't replace them with the same thing. Instead of my usual crackers, he got me Ginger Snaps. Those were pretty good. However, he would often eat the entire bag in one night before I even had a chance to eat one. So then he'd replace with more ginger snaps. A vicious cycle. It was probably his plan all along to just buy me food he would want to eat. But seriously, an entire bag of Ginger Snaps in one evening? Egads. EXHIBIT A*

It is to Graham I owe for some good, nay GREAT stories I've told. I have yet to find a suitable Dwight Schrute-esque replacement like him. Le sigh.

OH! So you DON'T like Bush. I couldn't tell...

2008-08-06T23:15:00.010-04:00

A comedian once quipped that he liked bumper stickers only cause it saved him the time of wondering if he would ever be friends with that person. I couldn't agree more. Apologies to all of you out there who subscribe to this phenomenon of bumper tagging. But I'm not really talking about just one bumper sticker. Even two might be acceptable. It's really those who enter into bumper sticker hyper-obsessive stratus that concern me. Oh and those who choose the really crazy outlandish and or somewhat controversial bumper stickers. These little stickers really can pack a punch.

Case and Point:

To clarify:
1. I don't hate America, I just hate YOU!
2. At least in Vietnam, Bush had an exit strategy
3. If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention
4. Dissent is the highest form of Patriotism
5. F the President
6. F the MPAA
7. F the RIAA
8. "There ought to be limits to freedom." - G.W. Bush

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I sense anger here. Talk about road rage.

Now, I enjoy scuba diving. I do. I've been on several trips diving. where the sole purpose is scuba. But yet somehow I don't feel the need, as the driver of a Nissan Maxima I saw the other day felt, to display his obsessive, borderline irrational love for scuba diving. He actually thought, (and I paraphrase) "Four stickers on my back windshield commenting on my love for Scuba and showing the Scuba flag are not ENOUGH! I need MORE!!" So more he got. These ones made claims about his love of Scuba over his wife, as if we needed reiteration on what his TRUE passion may be.

Then there's the Jesus fans. These are more prevalent than I thought. Many a time at a stoplight I have been contemplating the words to a Mariah Carey song when BAM! I see this:

This makes continuing to listen to "Touch My Body" a tad bit awkward.

Lastly (although I could go on and on about Vanity plates and other car paraphernalia), I don't understand this:Does posting this make people drive any more cautious around you? I can only hope that if I'm spinning out of control, doing 360's on the freeway at 80 mph in a failed attempt to avoid hitting a tree limb in the roadway, that I can miraculously swerve away from your Dodge Stratus and protect you and your child. Safety first, folks.

An Asian Swedish Massage.

2008-07-20T19:50:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was my aunt's birthday. Next Saturday is my birthday. So we decided we'd get massages and pedis to celebrate. As background, my aunt discovered this small nail/waxing/massage parlor that just opened in Merrifield. She took my grandma to get a pedicure there once and got hooked. So then she took me. I got hooked. The funny thing is I nor my aunt have ever been manicure/pedicure type people. There's just something Cheers-esque about this place that keeps us coming back. As an aside, I've always wanted to frequent a place often enough so that they would know me by name and I could order "the usual." Lo and behold I have found it! Albeit, I wasn't expecting it to come so heavily scented with acetone, but I'll take what I can get.

Moving on. So now I go fairly regularly as does my aunt. The owner and the girls that work there are Korean. Some of them don't speak much English. They are all as nice as can be. All the stuff is clean, new and it's small (only 3 pedicure chairs, one "waxing" room and one "massage" room). And it's great. My aunt even has her own box with her name and a number on it that has the nail polish color she likes in it.

So I go into the massage room first. And you know how most massage places are very strategic about where they place the sheet over your nakedness? Yeah, well this place not so much. And I didn't care. So as I'm laying naked on my stomach vulnerable to the lady hammering into my tissues and feeling reeellaaaaxxxeeeddd, I hear the door open and the owner walk in to hand the massager some hot towels. And instead of just walking right out, she says to my back "Ohhhh, hooonneeyy!! You have suuch a good body, I did not even know!!!" (said in Korean accent). With my face firmly planted in the massage table and eyes closed I mumble an "Um, thanks?" Subsequently, because the walls are super thin, I hear her immediately walk back out and tell my aunt the same thing to which she responds something like, "Yeah, she runs a lot."

Now whenever I feel sad and lonely, I can just go where everybody knows my name....and my body. Amen.

Mawwiage.

2008-07-10T10:09:00.002-04:00

Marriage. It's so hot right now. Went to one wedding in June for my cousin and just attended another this month for my friend from high school. Then there's the umpteen wedding receptions I've attended over the last year or so as everyone I know seems to be taking the plunge. Many of them are Mormon, so it's to be expected. I'm accustomed to attending wedding receptions and bridal showers throughout my whole life. It's as regular as eating and pooping in Mormondom. And many of my BYU friends have already been married for like 4 years now with 2 kids and driving minivans. True story. But NOW...now it's that time where my non-Mormon friends are getting hitched and I'm starting to realize that I must not be that young anymore.

I remember a few years ago when I was at the bridal shower of one of my good friends from high school who's Mormon. So there were some older ladies from church there. One lady I had known vaguely from church growing up, and we were talking about my friend and how great it was she was getting married yadda yadda yadda. She looked at me point blank and asked, "So when are you getting married?" without a tinge of humor in her voice or look. Really? How do people expect you to respond to that? In retrospect I should've said something like, "As soon as I get knocked up" or "Once my parole is over." But alas, I can never come up with this stuff til after the fact. I probably said something like, "Ha. Oh yeah. Um, I'm not getting married anytime soon," which was true.

Then there was the time my aunt and I were invited to dinner at my friend from church's house with just her mother. Both very nice, outstanding church goers. My friend was talking about some of the people who spoke in church that day and her mother was asking if the one speaker (male) seemed like someone she might want to date. My friend said, "No, not really. He wasn't THAT impressive." The mom continues to talk about the Bishop of our young single adult ward and how he's performed over 100 marriages since he's been Bishop. She says in all seriousness, "Well, if all these other people are getting married, then why are you guys having a problem finding someone?" To me, this encapsulates the Mormon experience.

My family isn't quite so bad, but they've had their moments. Especially my grandma (aka Gammy). It's her favorite topic of conversation with me: who I'm dating, how serious it is, what they do, if they will go to church with me, and basically that I should marry a Mormon boy or else I will live unhappily and regret it. She tells me the story of how she almost married a Baptist boy. But then had a dream that she married my grandpa, that she saw their wedding announcement in the paper and then how amazingly it came true even though she hadn't seen my grandpa in years since they first met and had no idea if he was already married. She was so glad she made the right decision. She tells me this story everytime I see her.

Now however, on my most recent trip to visit her, she actually said "You're only 25. You don't need to feel like an old maid just cause you're not married. Girls these days, sometimes they don't get married until they're 30." THIS is so un-Gammy like. She is 91, and from the South and Mormon. That is not characteristic of her worldview at all. Normally she tells me how she's basically only alive until I get married. Or just the fact that she brings up marriage all the time. And thinks I should be meet a boy and be married within 6 months. Gah. Maybe she's actually giving up on me slowly in her old age...I must really be reaching that age where people stop asking and just assume it's not in the cards for me haha.

To the Woman in the Gold Lexus SUV...

2008-06-19T13:44:00.003-04:00

When the light is red, it means you can't go. And once the light turns green, and I can move my car into the left turning lane, I will. Unfortunately, until I can change the laws of physics and make my car morph its shape to fit through a 6 inch opening between the car in front of me and the median curb, please stop honking, making faces and mouthing foul words at me so that I can see them through my rear view mirror. I'm glad that you have somewhere to be so urgently that necessitates you speeding past me in the turning lane and cutting me off whilst honking at me as you go by. I'm sure the other eleventy-billion cars sitting in traffic along with you don't have anywhere to be, so by all means, cut them off too. Maybe you were cheering for your favorite sports team honking like that. And maybe when I flicked you off you thought I was waving...

A Southern Blog.

2008-06-16T11:07:00.005-04:00

Last weekend I was in North Carolina for my cousin's (2nd) wedding. Raleigh to be exact. And yes, it is very much "The South." Let me explain. It's almost magical how the moment you cross the border you encounter people like waitresses who call you "Honey" and "Darlin" or other variations of pet names, said by total strangers. Friendly? I guess. Then there's the accent. It definitely still thrives there, hearkening back to the days of Scarlet O'Hara. I would just love for someone to meet me and say something like, "Yankees in Tara (or Raleigh)?!?!?!" Although, I guess being from Virginia doesn't qualify me as a Yankee. I still consider Northern Virginia to be basically an entire different state than the rest of Virginia, but that's a whole other story....I digress. Then there's things like the State Fair Grounds where I saw more John Deere tractors in one place than I think I'll ever see, short of visiting a John Deere factory. I was sad to miss the Hog Racing (not Harley's...actual hogs or pigs as most would call them) and the Roller Derby. Yes, you heard me. How awesome would these events have been to encounter? The answer is Incredibly Awesome. Too bad my cousin had to have his wedding that day. So we perused the Flea Market and the Petting Zoo. I tested out old velvet covered couches and fed a camel and a llama. Just your typical Saturday morning in Raleigh. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Retail Proselytizers and the Heavenly Mother.

2008-06-03T10:45:00.015-04:00

No, this is not a sermon. But recently I had the experience of being approached by missionaries, and they weren't even Mormon! I was going to the mall to run a quick errand after work that day. I was texting my friend about a funny license plate holder I'd seen that said, "Don't just sit there...Needlepoint!" He responded something along the lines of how I have a special radar for the wackiest people. I honestly think I have some sort of weirdo magnet. Exhibit A: So about 5 minutes after that convo, I'm heading out of the mall after completing my errand. As I'm walking toward the escalator, some man is trying to get my attention. I turn thinking he needs directions to a specific store or something. He mumbles something about how he and his friend are new here, then dives right in.

Mish: "Have you heard about the Heavenly Mother?"

Me: Oh boy..."Yes, you mean like the wife of God?"

Mish:"No, that she is also God. That God is both male and female."

Me: "Um, no I don't believe that."

Mish: "Well, it says so in the Bible. Are you familiar with the Bible?"

Me: "What version of the Bible are you reading?"

The convo continued a bit as he tried to convince me of this being the last prophecy in the Bible yadda yadda yadda. He talked about something he called The Sanctuary. (I dunno what he was saying cause my eyes glazed over as I was jogging in place to get outta there). But I told him, and his silent companion, that they should get name tags like the Mormon missionaries. I asked for a pamphlet (so I could show my friend and prove the crazies that I meet). Alas, he didn't have one so instead he gives me his name and phone number on a mini notebook page. Haha, anyone interested???

Why I Can't Wait for the Future!

2008-05-30T16:03:00.031-04:00

There are a few things that have been promised to us that will happen in the future. I don't know about you, but I haven't lost hope.

1. Dippin' Dots. This is the ice cream of the future. Or so they've been claiming since its inception 20 years ago. So now here we are in 2008. Are we still not in the future yet? Shouldn't all ice cream come in Dippin' Dot formation by now? Granted, I still like Olde Worlde Ice Creame such as Ben & Jerry's...but I also liked scrunchies when they were popular...

2. Hoverboards, as featured in the film Back to the Future. Skateboards are boring. Rollerblades remind me of being nine and also of the joke, Q: What's the hardest part about rollerblading? A: Telling your parents you're gay! Razor Scooters are so 5 years ago. Segues are a new and interesting breed of transportion
devices, but unfortunately have not caught on to the mass population, probably due to cost. But hovering is at least 8 times more awesome. Ninjas want them. Boys named Biff want them. Jesus may have walked on water, but you...you could hover on water just like this guy. And those shoes could become standard hoverboard riding shoes...as if you needed another reason to want to hoverboard...

3. Zombies and robots and aliens, oh my! This is mostly Hollywood's fault. I don't necessarily want to be around til the end of the world when humans start succumbing to a massive zombie epidemic (i.e. 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead...I'll stop there). But I would like to have a jovial, albeit mischievous furry alien join my family tree (i.e. ALF) or maybe a haphazard but lovable robot (i.e. Short Circuit) to crash my pad and romp around town with me. Sigh...these are my hopes.

4. The completion of the Weekend at Bernie's trilogy. No one questioned the sanity of the producers of Mannequin. Or Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Or even Weekend at Bernie's 1. I mean somebody let these movies go into production. Even multiple people...But really it's called suspension of disbelief. Or we could just call it the 80's. Either way, why else would people watch these movies? Weekend at Bernie's 2 was such a stretch, (Um wouldn't he smell?....A LOT???) that I feel like they could really get away with a third. Especially now 20 years later. Hilarity will ensue. Besides Andrew McCarthy needs a gig. And Jonathan Silverman..wait, is he even still alive? He disappeared. Maybe he could replace Bernie as the dead guy. Now there's a twist.

The grossest words in the English language. Period.

2008-05-28T15:01:00.001-04:00

Fact: Words with "oi" in them are all gross words. Even if the word itself is not inherently gross, it just sounds gross when you say it because of that sound "oyyyy."

Disclaimer: These words are gross.

Oil(y)

Boil: as in skin lesions.

Soil: "I've soiled myself!"

Groin: uh, self-explanatory.

Loin: only worse when followed by "cloth."

Moist: to me, this is by FAR the WORST of them...it actually makes me shiver.

Ointment: I picture Preparation-H cream, which leads to the next item on the list...

Hemorrhoid: ...don't want to get into this one.

Coil: eww.

Toilet: gross things happen here.

Foil: not inherently gross, but just try saying it now without scrunching up your nose.
Poise: as in the adult diaper-esque product. Enough said.

Ok, now I've saved the best for last....drum roll please....

Goiter!!!

Suffice it to say, that combining any of these words together in a sentence exponentially increases the overall grossness factor. Try using the sentence, "Do you need some moist ointment for your groin?" in your next basic interaction. Or perhaps you could say, "I am boiling my soiled loincloth" when asked what you're up to today. Play around with this list. It is by no means an exhaustive one. Enjoyyyyyyy!!!