13 July, 2009

Ashley's Dating Rules

Oh, I've done some dating in my time. Thus and so, I have started a list of some dating mishaps. Not my mishaps; I'm perfect. Their mishaps. Duh.

My bladder should be smaller than yours.
If you are a male over the age of 10, I think it's safe to say you shouldn't have to go to the bathroom an exponential number of times in an hour and a half long meal. Especially when I haven't even gone once and had the same amount to drink as you.

You're photosensitive, but you're not a vampire. Do you find yourself having to ask to switch seats because your chair is in direct twilight, yet you are neither an albino nor a vampire? Then please don't call me. (Actually if you are either of the latter, don't call me either...)

YOU have bad circulation?!? What a coincidence! So does my grandma!!! My grandma really does have bad circulation. I too have inherited this disease. I generally have subnormal body temperature and I freeze if it's under like 70 degrees. So if I'm not cold and you are, I question if you really do have a Y chromosome.

Cheap Feels. Grabbing my arm muscles to see how "strong" I am as a way to put your arm around me and/or grabbing my waist/hip/picking me up off the ground around my stomach a la King Kong = awkward. My uncomfortable levels really can go to 11.

This may need to be a running list. But for now, this will have to do.


molly said...

I definitely think this needs to be an ongoing list!!!

Alexandra said...

This is so hilarious! Molly, I read your blog, too. It just makes me smile every time. I felt it must be made known. But not on your blog, of course. That would be way too stalkerish.