Disaster Date

Let me paint a picture for you. A picture of a disastrous date. I had to pinch myself to believe that this really happened, but this story will make me laugh for decades. The other day I bought two tickets to see Devendra Banhart at the 9:30 Club. My date was a guy I've been "seeing" for approx a month now. So we plan this date the day before. We meet up in DC. We grab a couple jumbo slices of pizza before the concert. He seems a little out of it. He mentions how he stayed up til 3 am the night before working on his resume cause he's fed up with his boss. So that morning he was feeling kinda stressed and decided to take an anti-anxiety pill he had gotten from a "friend"..hmmm. I forget the name of the pill. It started with a K. The pill definitely put him in a very mellow mood.

So after the concert we decide we'll watch a movie at his place. (GI Joe...horrible movie that even Channing Tatum can't save). I fall asleep. I wake up at the end of the movie and the TV is blaring. I look over and he is passed out next to me. So I shake him gently. Nothing. I shake him harder. Nothing. His drink is toppled over in his lap (luckily empty). He is officially PASSED OUT hardcore. I start to get a little concerned. What if I have to call the paramedics? And then they ask me what he took, and I have to say "I dunno, something with a K that he doesn't have a prescription for?" I start shaking him fervently. Still breathing. Check. He finally shows signs of life and kinda opens his eyes. He looks up at me and mumbles something about how we should check his pulse. My eyes got big and my own pulse I'm sure was starting to race. I was actually slapping his face a little to get him to wake up more. So once he's relatively awake, I help him stumble to bed as I support him since he can't stand by himself. He decides he needs to go to the bathroom. He goes in. Oh boy. After 3 minutes of no noise, I decide to check on him. I knock. Nothing. I have to go in. I find him sitting on the toilet with his upper body completely rag doll style plopped over and passed out again. I shake him some more. He wakes up and says, "You know what I'm most concerned about? The civilians." I nod and drag him over to his bed. (As an aside he works for the DoD doing Civilian policy so I guess it's not a completely outlandish comment.) He immediately throws himself on the bed face down and assumes a crouching position. As far as I can tell he's completely out. And so am I...