31 January, 2011

Pursuit #61: Sigh. The trials and tribulations I must go through to preserve my vanity.

Sometimes when I go to restaurants or businesses in McLean, I feel like they are warp zones that whisk me away into some alter-reality. Like you walk inside and the people, atmosphere, scenery, and well everything just seems so un-McLean like and not AT ALL what you expected when you saw the outside of the building.

I entered one of these warp zones recently to undergo the cosmetological procedure of laser hair removal. Thank you, Groupon! But perhaps I shouldn't thank you just yet...

From the moment I walked into this warp zone, I knew my visit would not be normal - something about the smallness of the place, the lady who handed me a clipboard and showed me to the waiting room without asking me who I was or what I was there for, to the mother talking on her cell phone at eleventy billion decibels (in baby talk and Spanish no less) while being shushed by her high schooler daughter. It appeared that because of the popularity of their Groupon, this establishment is basically herding people through like cattle.

After everyone else in the waiting room had been cleared except for me, I was visited by the doctor slash owner. After awkwardly hovering over me, he joined me on the couch. He asked me my age, where I was from and what I was coming in for. Next, he gave me an egregious sales pitch about the other procedures they offer...based on my appearance. As he studied my face, he said I needed some injections under my eyes and around my mouth, as well as a laser to shrink the "really large" blood vessels under my eyes. Now I'm not a doctor like this guy, but I'm pretty sure the blood vessels near my eyeballs - you know the part of my body that helps me SEE - are pretty important and probably shouldn't be tampered with. He peppered in some additional remarks about some "red" areas ("Are those pimples?") on my face. It must have been Double Bonus Day in this warp zone: the deal on my procedure + an unsolicited/invasive free consultation! 

In addition to the above, there were uncomfortable bodily noises coming from this man during his speech and an awkward moment in the treatment room involving an open window and onlooking office buildings. Oh, Groupon, you sure know how to pick 'em!

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