24 April, 2009


I received a small raise at work this week. Yes, yes, thank you, thank you. I'm slowly climbing my way up the corporate ladder if you will. It can only get better up there, since I'm already getting a plethora of free food and tshirts. So when I make lots of money (because according to the woman who read my palm 2 years ago I will be a billionaire someday), here are a list of things I want:

1. A Great Dane. This gigantic, yet gracefully beautiful creature, necessitates a large living space and plenty of food and luxury canine accoutrements. I think having a Great Dane was like the status symbol of sorts in the pre-car era, akin to owning a Cadillac.

2. A trampoline floor, in a room with padded walls and tall ceilings of course. Rumor has it Bill Gates has one. It'd be at least 7 times more awesome than Tom Hanks' trampoline in Big.

3. No stairs in my house. Just escalators. Why? Because I can. And also for the excessively long hallways in my huge home there will be people movers like in the airport/NGA. This is also a good investment for when I become old and mobility-challenged.

4. Aquarium tunnel. I can't remember if it's at the Baltimore Aquarium or not, but you stand on a people mover (see above) and are effortlessly maneuvered through an amazing aquarium tunnel as if you were underwater yourself! Fish and sharks etc glide over your head. Children cower. Old people drool and point. It's fantastic.

5. A fireman's pole. I will make my children slide down this for dinner when I ring the dinner bell. Call me old school.

6. I'm going to pull the world's top marine engineers away from their important work. Then I will put them to work figuring out how to create some private islands in the form of a palm tree out in the middle of the ocean. This would merely require spending billions of dollars importing sand and rocks and shooting them out into the water almost futilely - oh wait, Dubai beat me to it!

7. A Segway. Don't judge.
My inspiration:


molly said...

That's so funny, because Dubai beat me to building islands in the shape of all the continents of the world. Although, rumor is that Dubai is so last year.

Alexandra said...

You are so hilarious. My mom has a segway. True story.