14 April, 2009

Where my hoes [sic] at???

So at work, I look at lots of custom designed t-shirt orders. Generally they are boring: So and So's family reunion, So and So's "Fling Before the Ring" (or some other cutesy rhyme about getting hitched), Such and Such sports team, etc. However, peppered within the boring ones are some sparkling nuggets of craziness. I oft come across blatant sexual references, or perhaps just an innuendo. There are orders with curse words, orders that are anti-Obama, orders that are artsy, orders that are hideous and poorly designed, and orders that are just silly and or quite clever.

When I first started back in August/September, I was unfamiliar to the gamut of material I might see and how I should proceed. Well, turns out we totally just support the First Amendment, so pretty much anything goes if it's what our customer wants. One of the first orders I got that taught me this went something like this:

A particular group of saxophone players at a university in Arizona made some t-shirts, I guess to commemorate their group's inside jokes and what not. On the back of the shirt was a list of their top ten quotes. It was a barrage of bad grammar, misspellings and bad punctuation, not to mention chock full of multiple swear words. I pulled a coworker aside to see if we actually would print this, and he just laughed and said yeah, and that I should go through each of the ten lines and pull out edits for grammar/punctuation and have our customer service reps call the customer to see if they wanted us to change those things. So my list for customer service was something like, "Should we capitalize 'bitch' in line 7, since they capitalized 'Whore' in line 6? Should we put a comma after 'Fuck' in line 3 or before 'shithead' in line 4?"

The best however was their spelling of "Hoe," to which they made some malicious statement. And I don't care that Urban Dictionary says it could be spelled either way, because as far as I and Merriam-Webster are concerned, this spelling refers to a...gardening tool.

Eventually the customer told our service rep, "NO! DON'T change ANYTHING on our shirt." So we proceeded to have this shirt printed and somewhere in Arizona there are multiple people walking around with angry commands aimed at gardening tools. I mean, while I would much rather prefer to initiate delicate communication with a "hoe," at times I find it is necessary to perhaps speak with aggressive tones and slightly raised voice towards the aforementioned "hoe."

God Bless America.

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